Always, Always, Always (Day 399)

There is always, always, always something to be thankful for. That is something I've learned over the years. Even if you have to force yourself to be thankful, it must be done.

I found myself once again crying this morning. I threw the sheets over my head, curled up into a ball, and wept. I have no shame saying that. The Bible said multiple times that Jesus wept. We are allowed to cry, I am allow to cry. My crying is never just mindless tears, they turn into prayers. Prayers for help, prayers of refuge, prayers of protection, relief, healing. Sometimes when I cry I actually figure out the real reason I'm hurting. I can blame it on many things but when I finally let my true emotions of pain come out in their purest form, when I stop trying to hold it together, I sense the real reason behind the sadness.

I don't feel comfortable telling the world the reason for the tears. But they did help to teach me what I needed to do to get them to stop. As my tears wained and my breathing began to even out again I took the prayer of pain and pure helplessness and forced myself to find things to be thankful for. I thanked him for a bed, for heat, an apartment, enough money to pay for the things I needed, a job, another job, my kids, true and trustworthy friends, a family, my health. The list went on.

Another thing I've found is that the more you are thankful for, the easier it is to find things to be thankful for, and the more you realize how much you love The Provider. When we take a long hard look at what He's given us we realize how faithful His love is. I don't know about you, but I love being pursued. It is the way to my heart. Someone willing to reach out to me, either in friendship or romantically, is what I desire more than anything. I can initiate things all day long, but I will really know I'm something special if they make the first move. When I see all He does and gives to me to show how much He desires me, I can't help but fall in love. And that's the point! He gives us so much so we know how loved we are! How thankful should we be that He even desires to love us? We are broken, we have fallen, we sin, but for some reason He still keeps on giving. My past sins are far too great to count and yet I know He has given me more blessings than I have sins.

See what being thankful can do? It just took me on a bit of a tangent. My point is that my hurt is still here. It didn't magically go away, but I will in no way insult God by not thanking Him for what He has given me just because of something He hasn't.