Being Human (Day 421)

Well today's blessing was unexpected. I laugh at myself for this one. I was given a book by a friend that  I've read here and there. My heart has been telling me to read it but once I get into my apartment I usually find something else I'd rather do. It's strange how I've been pulled to read it every day. As I'm doing those tasks that I think are more important, I keep remembering the book and how I should continue to read it. Today I finally picked it back up and right off the bat I realized what I was supposed to see.

I should have realized it wasn't my own doing calling me towards the book everyday. I should have known it was Jesus speaking through my soul. If you read yesterday's post then you know I've been struggling. It's not like that struggle happened over night. It's been going on for a few weeks now. I opened the book and the subheading was "Coming To Know Him." Umm, excuse me? That alone peaked my interest. I read on and felt as if I had written the book. The way she talked about our Father was how I describe Him. "I now call this God Almighty, Savior, Provider, and Keeper, and I call myself His disciple. He is my Beloved, and I am His. I want to be like Jesus, aspiring to imitate His heart in mine." I kept reading and couldn't believe the words on the page as they matched up with mine.

The next chapter was about life and how it doesn't stop, but even through all of that He's there. He's right there. He's holding you up. He's holding me up. I think about all of the struggles I'm going through because I just don't understand life right now and then I think a very humbling thought. What if I had to go through this without Him, without His ever loving arms? Oh I tremble in fear at the thought. My stomach turns to knots, my eyes well up. Here I am distressed because I don't feel as if I know God and I just realized I do know Him (what a relief). I'm just getting to know a different part of Him as you do with any friend. Last year I was shown one side of Him and this year I get to experience a whole new side. Last year I learned who God was through heartbreak and now I get to learn who He is during times of confusion.

I'm more than relieved to know that the past few years of my life weren't a lie. I know who He is, I just don't know Him fully, and that is fine as long as I'm still pursuing Him with my whole heart. It may take a lifetime to know Him that intimately, but maybe that's just part of being human.