Faith, Faith, Faith (Day 379)

Oh life. It has proven to be a greater challenge than I ever expected. There are so many decisions to make and I feel like with every new day I am faced with more questions and different challenges. How am I supposed to work on one thing until it becomes a habit when it seems like a new thing pops up almost every week. I'm feeling overwhelmed with this whole finding myself.

While in school I was protected more. I had the protection of a university that had its ways of running things. I could fall back on their way of living. I had many people to choose from when I needed advice and I knew each time I would get Godly wisdom followed by scripture on how to proceed with my questions/struggles. I also had my parents whom I got to run back to any time I needed and every break from school I had. I had a set schedule, daily and yearly. My life was more of a routine. Yes, I might be thrown for a loop when a teacher added a test or project, but that was about the extent to my "crazy" life. Now I'm out of school, and let me remind you only for seven months. For those past seven months I've felt pulled in every direction possible. I want to do this, I want to do that, I need to work on this, I need to fix that. Oh I should try to be more like this, I know this isn't how God would want me to act. It's every day! I'm trying to figure out the next step in my coaching career, I'm trying to save up money to become licensed, I'm working on being content with what I've been given, I'm working on staying secure in who I am in Christ, I'm trying to be the best coach I can for my kids and their parents, I'm getting the team ready for our last meets of the season, I'm trying to be a light to the people at the restaurant, I'm trying to keep my morals and beliefs intact while working at a restaurant who's morals and beliefs are well below mine, and during all of this I'm trying to figure out who the heck I am!

I've talked to people who have more life experience and they tell me it's all part of being in your 20s. And thank goodness it is because I positive I couldn't do this for the next 60 years, God willing He gives me that many. But during the meantime I am trying every day to have more faith than I did the day before. "It's all about faith, faith, faith" as one of my friends told me. Thank goodness I have faith and that I'm finding out that I have more than I ever imagined. I don't know how people survive without it. How does someone go through times like these in their life when they can't fall back on a God who will literally carry them through these struggles? It's taking a lot out of me and I know that I can go to Christ whenever I am weary and need rest (Matt 11:28).

I thank God for the faith He has grown in me. I say grown because it didn't just come over night. It was planted when I was young and it may have taken many years until I decided to really nurture it so it could grow, but once I allowed it to happen, God was there to sow it for me. Looking back on my life, He has given me exactly what I needed each step of the way to be the woman I am today, to get through each struggle He put in my path. Everything has been to help me grow, good or bad, they have been to teach and mold me. So I'm putting my trust in Him that with all of these questions, life-changes, and decisions I have to make, He has either put them there for a reason or He will help me not stray from His path.

I chose a page out of Jesus Calling to share today. I accidentally read it yesterday even though the date was for today. (I blame it on the crazy swim meet this weekend) But, I feel like I might have needed it more yesterday than today so that I could realize it's ok if my future feels flimsy or precarious.