Hallways (Day 381)

If you haven't noticed by my many posts and my constant talking about my kids, I love my coaching job. I was looking down the pool today as my kids were killing a sprinting set and I couldn't help but smile. I don't know how to describe my feelings towards them. The only word I can think of is love, true love. This job has been one of the biggest blessings of my life, if not the biggest. I never imagined finding a job I didn't tire of. This job is something I enjoy giving my time to, a job where I don't find myself looking at the clock wondering when it will be time to leave. That is why a part of my heart broke today.

I found out that an assistant coaching job at the high school wouldn't pay enough for me to live on for even three months. I saw all the plans I had started to make unravel. I saw the excitement of making this more of a career turn to disappointment. As a single woman I can't work for practically nothing. Even if I didn't have student loans, there would be no way of surviving on that meager pay. I'm already having to be frugal with every penny and I make six times that amount right now. I felt the door to my dream shut and so forcefully that me alone won't be enough to open it back up.

I have been praying for something to happen, something that lets me get out of working as a waitress, something that lets me coach as more of a full-time position. I didn't know where to start or what to do so I just prayed. I prayed that God would open and shut doors. This door that I had hoped was opening just shut. At first I was heartbroken as I said before, then I was mad, then confused, then bitter, but after praying I realized part of the prayer I had asked had been answered. This door had shut and there is a reason it did so. I can't be bitter or upset because God's plans are different from mine. Above all I want His will even if that means working at the restaurant for longer than I hoped. All I can do is praise Him in this hallway until He opens the next door. If I keep praying and I desire His will then my prayers will be answered and I once again will see that His plans far extend any happiness mine could ever bring me. So I'm calling this a blessing because only God knows why He's keeping me from this and His reasons are always good.

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything

according to His will, He hear us.

1 John 5:14