Harding was one of a few colleges I had looked at and it was last on my list. I had applied to some big art schools and been accepted with scholarship but something pulled me towards Harding, unwillingly I might add. I didn't want to attend a school that gave me a curfew, that didn't allow men in my dorm, that made me attend chapel everyday of the year, that made me take 16 hours of Bible. I wanted to have fun, to be a normal college student who spent four years partying. It brings me to tears, those spiritual tears I've talked about before, to say I was that way. If I had attended a state or art school I would be agnostic by now. I would of been agnostic the moment I got there.
My Bible professor today asked the class if we ever felt we were over-churched. "Do you feel like you just hear it all the time? You attend chapel, you attend Bible, you attend Wednesday and Sunday church. Raise your hand if you feel over-churched." Quite a few students raised their hands including my professor. Then he said another statement, "There will be a day where you don't get this and you will miss it." I've been thinking that for awhile now. I've been reflecting quite a bit on who I was when I entered college. I'm not talking about the wide-eyed freshman who didn't know what she wanted to be and didn't even know her way to the cafeteria. I'm talking about the relationship I had with my Father. Before Harding I honestly didn't even understand what the Holy Spirit was. I didn't understand God's love, his grace, his mercy, his power, and I didn't care. My objective in life was to get a degree and climb the corporate ladder and I didn't care what I had to do to get there. Ya, quite a different person.
Thankfully, over the past four years God has changed my heart. He's slowly softened it. He gave me wonderful role models, my age, older, even younger. He gave me an environment I felt safe in and could grow. He somehow spoke to me and beckoned me closer to him every day. Four years later, I'm a completely different person. Those days of chapel that use to be used for naps have turned into times where I can close my eyes, sing, and praise my Father. I can use that time for thanksgiving and for growth. The hours I've spent in Bible classes have given me an understanding I could get nowhere else. My professors have given me insight to passages most people just skim over. I've been able to just pop into random offices and bring my questions to them even if I've never met the professor. Where can you find that?! Where can you find a teacher who will sit down beside you in Midnight Oil and ask how you're doing? Where can you find a teacher who actually knows you well enough that they realize something in your life is wrong?
(Here come those spiritual tears again) Two months, that's all I have left. It's not enough. I need more time to grow. I need to be able to soak up more knowledge. I want more time to sing daily, I need more time to listen to Bible scholars. Don't be like me, don't wait until your senior year to realize how important that is. Don't feel like you're being over-churched because one day it will hit you that the time is ending. It's frightening. What if I don't ever grow again? What if I fall away? How will my questions get answered? How will I incorporate my Father into my daily life? Have I prepared enough for this? Am I ready to take this journey? I can only hope. I can only pray that this time has been exactly what God intended and that He will help provide me with ways to keep growing. Take my advice though. Soak it up. Don't get frustrated with the requirements. Look at them as ways to grow closer, to let your spirit intertwine with His. When you allow that, your heart will be in constant song, your soul will be at peace for God is with you.
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