A Smidgen of Strength (Day 59)

I judged too soon. I should of waited a few hours to write my last blog post. Not that the hug from my little swimmer wasn't a blessing, but I was given something else later. And let me add that it was after spending some quality time with my Father. I was about to head off to a study session after the busy day I had been through and I really didn't want to go. I prayed for strength and headed off to the library.

Perseverance (Day 56/57/58)

Saturday: I got to see my family. There wasn't anything specific to call a blessing. Just getting to see them. It's hitting me that I'm not moving back home when I graduate. They aren't going to be a room away, not even a few miles away. And I know, I've been six hours away for the past four years but it's different this time. In college there was always that day when I went back home. Now, I will literally be living in a different city. I'll be living there full time, making a living, and starting a new life. My days with them numbered so every time I see them is a blessing. Goodness, I've been so emotional lately. I guess it's all the changes going on in my life. They're all hitting at once and the uncertainty of life after college is just as scary as it is exciting.

Reunited! (Day 55)

What is a college student to do on a Friday when she has nothing from 9:30AM to 3:30PM and when the campus is bustling with people? Go lay on the front lawn, of course! It's perfect because I don't have to make plans but I will most definitely  see people. And I did. While talking to one of them I saw something running at me from the corner of my eye. It was one of my oldest and closest friends!!!! Ryan McAlister!! I'm so excited because this girl transferred last semester and I've been missing her for so long. She joined me on my blanket and we talked like we had never left each other. She's one of the ones I've trusted with everything I've ever done, all the mistakes I've made, all the emotions and memories I don't let out to many. I can count the number of people on one hand that know that much about me so it was such a blessing to have her sitting right next to me.

Drifting (Day 53/54)

I've been drifting. Since I got sick I've found myself occupying my time with things that distract me from God. Yesterday I got on here to write something and realized I hadn't thanked God for anything. I did on the other hand find plenty of negative things to ruin my day. And not once did I even talk to Him about those things. Not once did I even lift up a few words to Him. So, I decided I would wait until today to see if I could think of anything to say about yesterday.

Drive (Day 52)

It's been on my mind since the beginning of this year. Do I really enjoy design? I know I'm talented, but do I really enjoy it? My first thoughts were no. I didn't like it. Design is selfish, it's many intense hours, it's late nights, early mornings, loads of caffeine (which btw I don't like), it's demanding clients who don't believe I have the skills to design what will sell. And there's another story all in itself. My job is to sell a product. It's to make people believe they need something. It's what makes women, girl as well, believe they are fat. It's what makes men believe that having nice cars and suits will get them women. It's what makes society believe that premarital sex is the right thing to do. But for some reason God gave me this incredible talent.

The Fear of Failure (Day 51)

I have this fear. The fear of failure. I believe that's why I run from things. I'm afraid I'll fail at them so I break ties. I've run from school, projects, design competitions, a variety of sports, friends, relationships, God, even myself. My eyes are tearing up at the realization that I think I have to be so perfect I would rather run away than fight. And you know what? In the end it's causes even more pain. The pain of failure would be a small percentage of the pain I've felt from running, from giving up. And I know I've hurt others in the process. I've left some people with so many questions because I was too afraid to try. Because trying meant failing until I got it right and that's something I can't let myself do.

Busy Weekend (Day 48/49/50)

It's been a long weekend filled with some fun and so much homework. Sorry, I haven't been able to keep up with the blog. This last month of school is going to cause quite a bit of stress. I ask for prayers for me and the other seniors wrapping up their last experiences.