I Must Write It Down (Day 30)

I didn't want to write today. I was going over my day and I didn't have anything happen that was worth sharing. Maybe a little blessing here, and a little one there. But nothing that was awe inspiring. I became selfish and wanted something as precious as yesterdays. I thought to myself, "If nothing comes around that is as moving and lovely as the blessing I received yesterday I don't want to write, I don't want to thank." Can I be anymore of a brat? I'm rolling my eyes at myself; one because I said that, and two because I just admitted it to the world. But I want people to see the real me, the me that messes up, the me that fails her perfect, loving Father, and the me that is still learning and growing. Only then can I bring others closer to Christ.

If I received a blessing as monumental as last nights every single day of the year would I really find them all that monumental anymore? I'm human so I can say I know for a fact the answer would be no. Humans always want. We were designed that way. The key is to be thankful for what's given at that moment. Paul puts it nicely. "I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little." (Phil 4:12 NLT) I started this blog to give thanks to God and I've realized the deeper meaning is to learn to give thanks even when I don't think anything is worth writing down.

So today I want to give thanks to my Father for being able to write things down. I carry a journal with me wherever I go. I'm not one of those girls who writes her every thought down. I write my prayers and petitions, what I learned from scripture and study that day, and every blessing, large or small, that comes my way. God has given me an incredible talent of being able to write my fears away. Of course I have many prayers of thanks and many where I'm lifting others up but what most of the pages consist of are prayers of "decoding". I decode my fears, my worries. I'll start writing them down and it's like the Holy Spirit starts moving the pen instead of me. Ten minutes, fifteen minutes, thirty minutes later I'm calm. The answers are right there in my prayer! I can breathe again, I can relax, and then I can start thanking.

I've failed at this quite a few times. Instead of just writing it down, I've gone to others first. I'm not condemning friendship or saying you shouldn't consult your closest friends, but sometimes they can cloud your mind. They can feed you things that aren't actually good. Now do I think people mean to do this? Not at all. I know in the past I've fed people unwise help and I did it out of the goodness of my heart. But what would you rather have? A friend give you advise without consulting God first, or a friend who said they would pray for you? I would pick the latter easily. Who can be a better judge of my life and what I should be doing than God alone? Thankfully, He's given me an outlet by giving me writing. When I pray though writing I can focus, I don't become distracted by the world around me. If you've never written down your prayers, you may want to try it. They don't have to be eloquent; just be honest. Say exactly what's on your mind. If you do that, you might find He answers your prayers right there on the paper.