Saturday was such a random day. I was up early for a meeting then headed straight to the art building to work on a painting (which is actually not as daunting as I thought it would be). But at 5:00 Liz and I headed out on an adventure. We traveled the back highways down to a little town named Scott. In Scott is one of the best burger places I can now say I've ever been to. Ok, let me restate that, the best, and I've been to some darn good burger joints. I'm sort of a closet burger fanatic. My parents don't even know this about me. They think I like to eat healthy, and I do, but when it comes to a good burger I break all the rules. There aren't many places that are worth putting the red meat into my body. I'll go to Burger Studio in Dallas, Kincaid's in Fort Worth, The Busy Bee in Hugo, Frozen D's in Searcy, and now Cotham's Mercantile in Scott. That shows you how good a burger has to be to actually get me to put it in my body. This burger was amazing! And the fried pickles, perfection! And the onion rings, I've never had better! The blessing though didn't come from the food, it came from our conversation. We were there, sitting at the table, maybe thirty minutes. In that time not one word came from our mouth that didn't talk about how amazing the food was. Two skinny girls were gawking over burgers. By looking at our size you wouldn't expect us to be so in love and you wouldn't expect us to eat the entire plate. Oh but we did :) Worst and best decision of my life. Best because my mouth enjoyed every bite, worst because my stomach hated being stretched to full capacity. But like I said, it wasn't about the food or the price, it was about trying something new with a best friend. We did something unusual (getting out of Searcy) and ran off to a place we'd only heard was good. That was the blessing, experiencing life with her.
Sunday was a bit different. Once again I was painting and man I was on a roll. But I put all of that aside to go to Downtown singing service. Even though it's called singing service there's a small sermon given usually by a student. Whoever he was did a good job. I've been having troubles giving myself completely over to God. I've been holding out my hands and wanting to touch Him but I wasn't comfortable taking a leap of faith and letting Him take me wherever He desired. But something in that sermon led me to it. It may of been when he talked about imitating God and only being able to do that if we know Him intimately, it may of been when he was talking about hiking up to a waterfall and not really know it was worth it until he got to the top. Whatever that student said hit me and I realized that holding myself back wasn't going to get me where I needed to be. It was going to keep me far from it. I could never reach my full potential until I took the leap and let God direct my landing.
Man it was scary. I sealed the new covenant I made by taking communion again and the moment I was back in my seat I didn't know what I had just done. I wanted to take it back. This was too much, the unknown was too much. I knew I would be out far away from my comfort zone and I wasn't sure I was ready. Thankfully I have an amazing friend with an amazing relationship with God, named Chloe, who I text and asked if I could talk to her. She came and picked me up after church and drove us to her house. We just went for a walk and she let me cry and freak out and then calm myself down.
See, I was afraid of doing this because I thought it meant that I wasn't allowed to want anymore. I wasn't allowed to wish for things. I could only be God's puppet, a robot. But God doesn't call us to be that. If He did, He would of just made us that in the first place. I can still dream. A second thing holding me back was my fear of my plans not being Gods. Once again, I'm struggling with my plans compared to His. I was afraid He would rip me out of Tulsa, out of my church home, out of my job, and drop me off in some foreign place to me. But what am I afraid of? Why do I fear that? Whatever happens to me is going to be the best thing that could of happened. And to my surprise, none of those worries actually happened. I'm still here, finishing school. I still have an internship in Tulsa this summer. The only difference is now God can use me more because I'm allowing Him to. I'm giving Him control of how He wants my life to go. I know in the end the pieces will fall into place.
So think about it, what's important to you? To me, my friends, Liz and Chloe, are important. And above all else, my relationship my with my Father is above all others.
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