The first friend was one who recently made a change herself, up to Chicago. She went up there with no job, just a fiance who was accepted to grad school there and a faith that God would provide. After telling her the positive and negatives of both places, and realizing I'm winning and losing in both places, she gave me some insightful wisdom. Before I tell her what she said, I really can't believe I'm letting people into my life like this. I hope that by sharing my life, the good and the bad, I'm helping people. I know I have at least a few people who believe me to be strong in my faith. I just pray that this shows you that even someone who puts her trust in God can still feel, well the best word is lost.
Ok, so back to what she said. "I completely understand wanting to stay where you're established and life is comfortable but if we always stay where we have people that we can rely on we run the risk of not relying on God. In order to let God be fully in control of our lives and truly be all that we need we have to get out of our comfort zones and allow there to be unknowns that only God can piece together. I'm not saying that you can't trust God if you stay in Tulsa. I've seen you trusting him with a lot of things this past year. All I'm saying is think about if you really are trusting him or do you need to make a drastic change in order to let him be your ALL again."
She also asked me some questions to think about. "What things do you feel like Tulsa has equipped you with? Do you feel like it is supposed to be your home? Or was it a training ground where God was using the church and people there to build you up and train you to go be his hands and feet elsewhere?"
She gave me wonderful wisdom to help me through this transition.
And then later that day I got a little message from my friend who is traveling the world. You know her as the girl I'm designing the t-shirts for, my other half in Tulsa, and with less words, Becca. She's over in the Dominican Republic right now and thankfully I decided to leave my Skype up so I could catch her whenever she got a bit of wireless access.
She's the first one from Tulsa I've told, well at least personally. I wanted to tell her first because I care what she thinks more than anyone. I mean that to say that if she was upset I might leave I would know I couldn't do it. But of course she was mature about it. She thinks God might be trying to tell me something since this is the second chance I've had to work nonprofit in the past six months where the company has actually come to me. She also said the same thing Jess did. "The question is what is keeping you in Tulsa? Something God wants for you or something you want for you? It is a hard truth to look at but also remember that God wants you to be happy and will give you something you can't even imagine."
Once again, more hard questions to ask myself.
But most importantly she gave me hope and courage because she's the strong one here. It's not easy to drop everything and travel the world for a year, living out of a back pack, and not knowing where you're going next. And it's not easy to go to foreign places where people don't have the same beliefs as you, where they might actually hate you, and all you're trying to do is show them the love of Christ. If she can travel over oceans, I can travel over state lines. And I guess it's time to tell the people I love where this job is located. It's in Amarillo. Saying it has brought tears to my eyes. I'm just picturing the faces of all the people I love and I've come to trust. I know I haven't made my decision yet, but the thought of it possibly not being Tulsa is painful.
Whatever my decision come to I know God will support me in it. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9) I also know that I will always have one of the best Earthly support systems a person could ever dream of. God gave me so much when he blessed me with the ones I love.
I also have a prayer request for those warriors out there. I guy I've actually known since third grade recently went through some tests and they think he may have cancer. He has a beautiful wife and three year old boy. There is also another one on the way. Let's all just get on our knees tonight and show our love to such a young family.
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