Young and Free (Day 63)

I used to be spontaneous. I was the one in the group that would never turn an activity down. Someone asked me to go somewhere and I only had five minutes to make a decision; I'd always do it. Random road trips; I was in. Even if I really didn't have the time, I would never pass up a time to be young, because being young only gets to happen, well, while you're young. Then my junior year rolled around and school started getting serious. Work became more demanding and I had to invest more time. Classes became more challenging and the projects were larger and more in depth. I was realizing I was growing up and I bowed down and accepted the fact. My spontaneity slowly vanished and I became a person with a routine. The thing is, somewhere deep inside, that young girl was still there and she wanted out. But with my schedule it just couldn't happen.

So, flash forward to senior year. Well, really second semester of senior year. Aka now, and I have said to heck with routine! I'm about to leave this place. Do I really want to remember it as the years I spent studying? Or would I rather remember college as a time I took chances, make unforgettable friendships, and really lived? Well I choose the last sentence. I spent my time being an overworked student with semesters that literally drove me and my classmates to tears because of the stress. I'm done with fearing starting a new semester because I didn't want to be a slave to my classes. And don't call me a drama queen because I am not joking when I say those things. Never in my life have I worked harder than in those three semesters and it drove me mad. But God has given me a break with this semester which means I have weekends that are relaxing and time to enjoy college again.

Having time to relax has brought back my true personality of spontaneity. Today, after waking up early and working a swim meet, I headed back to my dorm and took a nap. Then I went to some friends' apartment and had a Criminal Minds marathon. Ok, so it doesn't seem too spontaneous. Well, I haven't gotten to that part yet. The marathon finished, I left, and instead of heading back to my dorm, I went for a drive. On this drive I decided I wanted to go to Heber (a lake north of Searcy) and watch the sunset. I didn't think I should share the moment alone so I asked two friends, Abbey and Nikki, if they wanted to go. Nikki couldn't but Abbey was in. I went to pick her up and we headed off.

I got my first taste of it there; of the rush of making a decision on a whim, but that was only the beginning. We had about an hour to get there. Perfect timing since it's only a 45 minute drive. And we were off. Well, we got there and the clouds had rolled in so the sunset wasn't as glorious as anticipated but the lake was still beautiful. We watched from the cliffs that are an attraction for all Harding students. And then, out of nowhere, it came to me. I wanted to jump. The water would be freezing, so would the air after, but I didn't care. I turned to her, asked her if she was up for it, and she was. No towels, no suits, just our clothes. But who cares. You only live once.

She took the leap and fell to the water. Me, well I'm afraid of heights so I had to warm up to the fact I would be throwing myself off a cliff at least twenty feet above the water. But I made the leap and the adrenaline shot through my veins. The experience was fantastic. I've jumped from them before, but never in a situation like this.

The experience might not seem that spontaneous to you, but to me, it was a chance to live as a college student. It was a chance to grab life by the horns, do before thinking, throw logic out the window. There was no thoughts of class, work, my senior show. Nothing of responsibility, commitment. I just got to live and that's something that brings me such joy. Those small times where I get to throw caution to the wind and just live are the times I cherish the most because they're the times I'm fearless and the person I really want to be. The quote "what would you do if you knew you couldn't fail" comes to mind. These are the times I believe I'm living that quote.