Upgrade! (Day 273)

Can I spend some time writing about a very materialistic blessing? Today, after five years of having the same phone, received my iPhone in the mail! I'm not a phone junkie. I don't need to be on it every second of every day. I can't stand when people have relationships with their phones instead of the wonderful, beautiful, actually living people around them. I've been without a data plan until this day. I've been without apps until now. There is a way to survive, I promise. BUT, I can't say it isn't nice to finally have a smart phone.

Adjusting, Quite Well I Might Add (Day 266/267/268/269/270/271/272)

It's been a long but extremely enjoyable week. I should of written about this on day one but time got away from me. This job has been an amazing blessing. I have gotten in my car after work every day and smiled. I've just smiled. I've fallen into a job that I didn't believe existed. The kids took to me immediately. It didn't take much to gain their trust and respect. I have already fallen in love with them and it makes my day to hear "are you our coach today?!" I love making up the workouts, researching on how to make each workout effective, learning new ways to teach technique skills. It doesn't seem like a job.

My New Life (Day 262/263/264/265)

Once again I'm running behind. That whole packing and moving (for good) thing isn't easy. It takes quite a bit of time and I will tell you, it is not stress free. So lets just fast forward to the actual moving day. My blessings for the days of moving? That they're over!

It didn't hit me that I would be staying in Tulsa until I passed the city limit sign. I hope my parents realized that as I left them since I sort of rushed out the door. Once that sign was in my sights I started laughing. The kind of laugh where you throw your head back like you have no care in the world. Those laughs quickly turned into tears though. They were good tears, tears of "I can't believe this day actually got to happen," tears of sheer thankfulness. I swore there would be something from keeping me away from Tulsa. It's been so long since I've spent more than four days here at a time that I just thought this would be my life until one day something came along that took me to a new city. But I guess God had different plans and I'm so thankful for that.

Last Road Trip For Awhile (Day 257/258/259/260/261)

Yet again another weekend in Tulsa which means I didn't post. And when I mean weekend I actually mean Sunday through Tuesday. For some reason I keep thinking it was the weekend. But what a "weekend" it was! Before I went off to Tulsa I found out my parents were finally breaking down and getting us all smart phones. That was a bit of a nice surprise. I can finally retire my five year old phone once I get my new one in the mail. I'm not one of those people who's addicted to my phone but I still can't not be happy about getting one that actually works.

Packing (Day 256)

Today has been one of the most exciting days I've had in a long while. This beats graduation, vacation, and really any of my posts from the last few months. Today I started packing my things for my official move to Tulsa!!! I couldn't contain myself as I packed. It took me hours to do it, but that was mostly because I had so much energy I turned on music and was dancing all around my room, while I was trying on all my fall clothes I hadn't seen for a year.

Mission Complete (Day 255)

I've been waiting for this day for quite some time. The day I finished my temp job! Don't get me wrong, I loved that job, but it was so tiring and to know that I don't have to wake up early and dress in ratty clothes covered in paint and whatever else is on those showroom floors is calming. (I am going to sound like the biggest southern belle right now, but don't ever think of me as that.) Tomorrow I will get to wear my hair down, I will get to put makeup on my face, I will get to dress in skinny jeans and a nice top, I won't have to wear tennis shoes, I will still smell good at the end of the day, I might even get to paint my fingernails!! And in a weeks time I'll be sick of doing all of that again, but for now I'm excited about it (See not a southern belle).

Workout Bug (Day 254)

I now remember why I love working out so much. It's been too long. Working out feels like a long lost friend who recently found me on Facebook and decided to message me. Ok, that analogy was pretty weird. Please forgive me for that. You might not be like me, but I love that feeling of being sore. When the slightest movement makes you wince. Anyone feel the same way? I haven't been working out hard enough to feel that for at least six months, maybe eight, but now the excitement of pushing myself has started back. It's a feeling I can't believe I let slip away.

One Step Closer (Day 253)

I wish I could say I had another amazing day at work, but sadly I didn't. I dropped this really heavy shelf, edge side first, on my thigh and I now have a tight quad and a huge bruise running across my leg. That paired with two sore knees makes for an unpleasant day. But it's another day with a job.

Fall Weekends (Day 249/250/251/252)

Another wonderful, blessing filled weekend in Tulsa! Friday, I got to go to lunch with a special friend and then that night ran into two of my favorite guys from Park when I was enjoying Octoberfest downtown. Saturday I carved some pumpkins with the lovely ladies of the Park Plaza singles group. And Sunday after accidentally sleeping through church because my phone died (which doubles as my alarm) I was convinced to still come to lunch. I'm glad I got to attend since a beautiful, smart, and talented friend of mine is going through some rough times in grad school. Another friend and I got to give her some encouraging words and share our tough times and how God took our "failures" and caused even better plans to happen. And that my friends is what it's all about to have a church family! People to be there to help you up when you are down. I know my family has come to my rescue so many times in the past and I've only known them two years!

Take Heart (Day 247/248)

Had a bit of time so I decided to write for Wednesday and Thursday. I'll probably get to Friday's post tomorrow. I found myself back in Tulsa this weekend.. well long weekend. I woke up super early on Wednesday and drove up for an interview. It went really well, now they just have to complete the background check which won't be a problem passing.

Relief (Day 246)

Awww. That is my sigh of relief. Because for five days I get to relax, well sort of. I do have a job interview and a job fair to go to, but there will be no moving large objects until Monday! Yipee! And I get to spend my entire break in Tulsa!

Humble Pie (Day 245)

Once again, another job. This time coaching in Tulsa. I've known about this one for awhile since I was supposed to have a phone interview with the coach on Thursday. Then that had to get rescheduled to today, and then because of the terrible cell service in my building, I missed that call. Fortunately, I made a good enough impression with my resume that he was more than willing to reschedule once again and wasn't upset. And this time I actually get to have the interview in person. I'm heading up to Tulsa Wednesday and hope to be there until Sunday!

Another One Already?! (Day 244)

I didn't plan on writing today. I know, shame on me. It's wasn't because I was too tired. Work was actually very easy today. It's the fact that I have a new book and I love reading.. when I have time to do it. Today I finally had some time so I picked it up and haven't put it down except when I was quickly shoving food in my mouth, oh and when I was watching my favorite tv show. The book is connected to my Kindle on my computer which I'm actually really disappointed about because nothing is better than touching the pages and smelling the paper, but because of that I heard a beep from my Skype. My Facebook is connected to my Skype (sheesh I sound like such a tech nerd right now) and Skype was telling me I had a new message.

No Good Reason (Day 243)

Ever had days like this?

Enjoy That Bath (Day 242)

My blessing today... a bath I haven't taken yet. A nice, hot bath that will release the tension in my neck, legs, and back. Bout to go do it but I knew if I took it first I would never get around to writing this.

Keep Smiling World (Day 241)

You know what's better than getting a compliment for your work? Hearing about the compliments your boss has been giving you from someone else. There's just something about it that I appreciate more. You know they're real. They aren't just people trying to be nice to your face. Why compliment someone to another if it wasn't true? There's no point. It's just a waste of breath. Also, I get really awkward when someone gives me a compliment for something I'm supposed to be doing so hearing from someone else helps me keep my normality.

Finally Back (240)

I think I'm finally back. It's been a crazy few weeks. First I decided to take the job in Amarillo, then I thought it wasn't right, then I put those feelings aside and wanted to go. During all this time I've been working for my mom's company downtown at the Dallas Market. Then this past week I went to Tulsa and spent a great weekend with friends to say goodbye. Starting on Monday I was back working for my mom. These hours have been very long, sometimes not getting home until eight, and when I finally get home all I want to do is sleep. I wake up sore every morning, but the job is enjoyable for the most part so I can't complain.

Manual Labor (Day 233/234)

I'm sorry, more days of needing to keep my thoughts to myself. These are just things that I don't feel comfortable talking about.

But for the past two days I've been given an opportunity to make some money. It's not something I'd picture as my first choice. It's manual labor. But I'm working for a guy who sets up show rooms for a living. Talk about the perfect job! He gets paid to display merchandise and I'm getting to work for him! Ya, it's kind of like another internship because I'm doing the grunt work, but it's really interesting watching him work. I catch him walking around, arms behind his back, just staring at walls. Today I even got to help with something a bit more creative. Ok, it wasn't much, but I did help solve a small problem. I can't wait to go back on Monday to start painting because when painting is done then decorating starts. Maybe he'll let me help with that as well.

Loss (Day 230)

I've needed time to myself. I needed time to think and not have my thoughts public. Life is hitting me hard and I have major decisions to make. But today I was hit with the reality that what I'm going through is nothing compared to what a dear friend is. I'm not ready to disclose everything traveling around in my head over the past days but I needed to dedicate this post to her.

Orphan (Day 219)

I found a cat tonight. She was crying and I felt sorry for her so I took her home. In my defense I'm going to take her to the animal shelter tomorrow. I just want to protect her. I didn't want her to be alone. It pains me to see living things without loving families. I know I'm getting judgy eyes right now. Don't judge, just appreciate that I love.

5 Months Later (214/215/216/217/218)

After my four hour drive turned into a five and a half one I finally arrived in Houston to see my best friend of all time after being apart for five months.. and her new addition to her finger. Yes, my best friend is now engaged and I spent the weekend getting to help plan her wedding because I'm now a bridesmaid! It's my first wedding so it's sort of a big deal to me.

It Hit Me (Day 213)

Have you ever started something and before you finished you forgot the main reason you started? I have. I did, with this blog. I didn't write about this yesterday, even though that's when it happened, because it was a bit off topic and last night's post was a chapter long. But yesterday, while talking to Becca about her travels, I was reminded.

Support Systems (Day 212)

What would I be without the ones closest to me. I could be broke, homeless, and hungry, but if I have people who genuinely love me I know I'll be ok. After three days of praying I feel like I'm a bit, no a lot, closer to making my decision. I still have time to ponder on what to do, but they definitely helped make me see the positives of this change.

Tune Out, Shut Off (Day 211)

My blessing today.. I guess it's just the weather being cool enough that I survived a bike ride at 1:00 in the afternoon. There aren't many days in Texas where that is possible.

I went on said bike ride to help clear my head from all the confusion on where I should let my life take me. I have two very different roads to choose from, both having clear positives and negatives, and the anxiety was getting to me so much I had to do the only thing I knew to get my mind off of it.

Breaking the Trend (Day 207/208/209/210)

I've been under the weather for a few days so that's why there have been no posts. Before I started feeling bad I did get to spend a fun evening with a friend from high school.

So you want to know what happened the day I got better (aka today)? Ya, I thought so. Well, I'm not ok with giving all the information away because I want to make a decision before telling the world. I was offered a job. Exciting right? Ya, sort of. I'm just very confused with all of it.

It All Just Happened (Day 206)

What a day. It all just happened. Everything came together. Now, I'm not saying God gave me the meaning of life or anything. Heck, He still has me wondering about tomorrow, but a lot of things were completed today. One being my packets. Ok, so they still aren't mailed because I didn't have a way to leave the house today since all the cars seemed to be missing, but all that has to be done is to drop them in a mail box and kiss them goodbye forever.

Printing (Day 205)

Wonderfully busy day. So busy that this post may seem lacking of detail. The reason being it's not over yet and I'm dead tired. My paper came in so I was able to go to Kinko's and reprint my cover letters. This time there is no turning back because I sealed those babies today! Tomorrow they will be mailed and I'll start praying for responses. I also started on Becca's t-shirts! I'm screen printing shirts to help raise money for a friend who's going to 12 countries in 11 months. It's through a organization called World Race. If you've read my "More About Me" section you've seen her, she's my other half in Tulsa. This isn't a chore to me. It's something I want to do because I love her. It's a way of using my talents for the greater good. If you want to know more about her trip here's her blog as well.

For the Cause (Day 203/204)

Since I've been really lazy for the past two days and haven't given myself any chances to receive blessings except for the ones we take for granted on a daily basis (running water, hot showers, hygiene in general, plenty of food, health, etc.), I want to dedicate this post to something that tears at my heart.

Relieve Hunger (Day 202)

I found myself southwest of downtown Dallas today. It's not really the place where you would find me. Bars on windows, cars locked behind iron fences, even barbed wire in some places, but it's also a place where the nonprofit organization Hunger Busters is located. It's a place my mom has been volunteering for a year now and today I got to go with her.

My Pride (Day 200/201)

Wow 200 posts. Hit a pretty big milestone yesterday. I got a wonderful message from a friend a few days ago but I just had the chance to read it. It was beautiful writing. Part of it said,

God is so good! He's going to teach you so much about His love for you! Keep opening your heart to Him, and when there's hesitation, know that it's because you're yearning deep inside to be with Him, but because of the lies

Out of My Car (Day 199)

A day in Tulsa. That is my blessing. I was surprised with an interview as I mentioned yesterday so I had to dash up there. One day in Tulsa was more entertaining than all my time in Dallas. I mean there are reasons for that. I've been working in Dallas and in Tulsa I got to play. It was an interesting day to say the least.

Good Purpose (Day 198)

I really wish I had more time to post tonight because I just read a passage that I have read many times but it never caught my attention until now. But I can't spend a lot of time because I just found out my job interview got moved to tomorrow instead of Friday! I guess that's God's way of blessing me by not letting me worry about the interview for two more days. He's only going to let me worry for a few more hours.

Sent Off (Day 197)

Today I sent off my portfolio to get it printed. Just one more thing to mark off my list! Hopefully all this money will pay off. But really I didn't do much else. The place where I decided to get my book printed didn't have the size I had originally laid mine out to be so it took almost all day to redesign it. Then I had a few uploading problems, but I got it done and it will be here by September 9th.

Renewal (Day 195/196)

I have a confession. Ever since I've been home I've neglected reading my Bible. It's because I haven't set up a routine since being here. The worst part is I've realized my quality of life has gone down. I haven't cared about taking care of myself as much, I haven't cared about the food I've been eating, and I haven't cared as much to stay away from sinning.

Much Done (Day 187-194)

Well I've neglected this thing so much in the past week that I even tweeted about it and I don't tweet often at all so that's saying something. My reason for neglect is trying to jump start my career and then spending the rest of the time frying my brain with pointless tv.

Now I will say the neglect wasn't all for nothing. I am almost done with my, well lets call them packets. They consist of my cover letter, resume, and a CD with samples of my work. Doesn't seem like much but I made everything from scratch so it's taken many hours of my time.. and a lot of my patience. But everything has worked out so I'm thankful for that.

Chipmunk (Day 183/184/185/186)

Wow I once again haven't posted since Monday. I'm so sorry. Tuesday my brother and I took out the paddle board and kayak. We got quite a few strange looks from all the people in their boats and jet skis. Even had a person ask me if that was really how I got around on the lake. No matter, it was so much fun. Paddle boarding will definitely be something I take up as a hobby once I can afford one for myself.

Learning About Thanks (Day 181/182)

Sunday I learned a bit about thanks. Once again God's timing has been perfect. And to think I wasn't even going to attend the young professional class today. I was planning on just staying with my parents in their class, but I told myself if I received a text from a friend asking if I was going to his class I would go. I looked down and there was already a text. Man God knows how to get me to do something. He knows I don't like to back down on something I promise myself.

Juuuuust kidding (Day 180/181)

Same as the last post. Not much going on except I'm in a pretty sarcastic mood right now. Went to the doctor today. Found out my spider bite was actually a ring worm which I'm a bit embarrassed to say but thankfully it will finally go away. Oh well, it happens to the best of us, but someone's pet is going to pay (juuuuust kidding). My blessing today is getting my portfolio done and working out more kinks on how to mail out my resume and cover letter. I think the most challenging part of being a designer is having to design for yourself. It's never good enough, it's never creative enough, and it's never done. Us designers have a problem with this. We have to sell ourselves through how we design ourselves to get ourselves a job. Overanalyzing this can be a problem even for the most laid back of men. So I'm thankful I'm getting to the finishing touches. Hopefully it will all run smoothly after that so I can finally get a job!! Let's keep praying for that blessing to come soon. :)

We Must (Day 179)

Not much happened today. It's my fault. I didn't find anything to do. I mean it's not like I'm living in the biggest metroplex in the United States or anything. If that was the case I would never be home... Oh wait. Well anyways, I got to sleep in, I got more cleaning of the room done, watched HP Part 2, cried some over HP Part 2 (I can't help shedding some tears when everyone starts dying), I didn't have to cook my dinner, went on a night bike ride, and got some sweet texts from friends.

Oh Goodness (Day 168-178)

Oh goodness it's been a long time. I told myself I wasn't going to write while in Colorado. I didn't manage staying off my computer at all, but I knew writing would take a lot of time and focus every night. So I'm going to combine the 29th through the 6th all into one post.

The 29th through the 6th were all days I spent in Co. There were so many memories and blessings. The biggest being the heat, or lack of heat. The high was anywhere from 78 degrees to 80 which means not much sweating which outside, and man did I spend a lot of time outside. After a week I have cuts, scrapes, bruises, sore muscles, a rolled ankle, a sunburn, some nice chacos tan lines, and many blisters, I got my fill of the mountains. I took my first whitewater kayaking trip down the Taylor river. It took some time getting used to steering on moving water and rapids, but once I got the hang of it there was no stopping the fun. I also went hiking almost every day.

Today Was The Day (Day 166/167)

I've fallen off the bandwagon a bit here in the past few days. It's because I've been driving all over the US. Friday started my journey to Searcy where I spent my last day as a college student. It was just what I needed to say goodbye. My trip with friends before was too hectic and there wasn't any time to be by myself. This time I was able to go off and do what I wanted. I went a picked up my cap and gown and then spent a few hours relaxing on my favorite couch of all time; the one that sits in Midnight Oil. There I sipped on a chai latte, chewed on a chocolate chip scone, and put the finishing touches on Alex and Dylan's wedding invitations. It was the exact way I wanted to say goodbye to my home of four years. Then I was reunited with Alex for about an hour and we talked like we had never left each other. Friday ended with a trip down to Scott, Ar for some Cotham's burgers and onion rings. If you're ever in Little Rock go ahead and put Hwy 161 and Cotham Rd into your GPS and head on over to Cotham's Mercantile. I promise you you won't regret it.

Many Reunions (Day 162/163/164/165)

Monday equaled my last full day in Tulsa. I was able to spend some real quality time with Becca which was a necessity since she'll be leaving the country in September and their's a chance I won't see her again.

Wrapping Up Summer (Day 159/160/161)

Friday was Bowling Night!! I made the joke that we could easily be picked out as a church group since you never find that many single people over the age of 21 at a bowling alley. But anyways, it was fun and I loved spending time with people I already knew and meeting new people as well. I also bowled over a 100 for the first time ever! Actually, I did it twice! I know it's not much to brag about but it's nice seeing my bowling skills finally coming together. You be seeing me at the 2016 Summer Olympics.

Little Ones (Day 158)

Not having plans tonight actually turned out to be a good thing. Two of my little cousins came in to town and I got to play with them for about one hour. I don't get to see them very often and even though it was late and I was tired I enjoyed it. Highlight of the night was when Maddie calmed down a bit and we sat in the same chair and talked. It was her idea and she opened up with the question "how was your day." So smart for a four year old! I told her what I did and then asked her the same question. After she was done telling me every detail, down to what she ate, I asked her what her favorite part of the day was. She leaned her head against my arm and said, "Getting to see you." I don't think my heart can handle much more than that. I didn't really know she thought so highly of me since I see her maybe twice a year. Then Michael came back from getting a bandaid and the rowdy playing began again. I love having little cousins. They something special. And now I'm completely worn out so I'm off to bed.

Conqueror (Day 157)

I once again learned a lot about myself last night. I had a friend pull me aside and wanted to talk to me. A few minutes earlier we had been enjoying a nice post-church Braum's when he went noticed a lady in the corner who looked upset. This friend has a talent at seeing people like that. After going over and talking to her he found the problem and came over the our group to ask if we had any cough drops. No one did so I ran over to the gas station and bought her a bag. After my friend and I shared a prayer with the woman he told me what I did was amazing. I just shrugged it off. I didn't think buying $2 cough drops was that big of a deal. Throughout the night he kept on telling me the same thing, that it was amazing. I kept on giving him the same answer. As we were all leaving he asked if I wanted to go to Sonic to talk about a design project he would like me to do. I agreed and didn't realize what I was getting myself into.

Hearing Him (Day 155/156)

My prayer from the post Finally the Direction was answered pretty quickly. At least I think it was answered. A friend of mine who read the post suggested I went to a program called Pathways. I've heard a lot about the program and seen the good it's done for my friends who've graduated so I went to their website to check it out. I got very discouraged when I saw the price tag was over $2000. I'm not really making the kind of money where I can spend that much on something like this. Heck I'm not making any money at all! I shot up a pretty honest prayer and told God if He wanted me at Pathways then He would have to send me the money somehow because I wasn't going to ask my parents for it.

Contact (Day 154)

Can I just say that without a doubt I love my church? And that's an understatement. I think today I literally only spent three hours without friends from church. Those three hours, I was sleeping because I was so worn out. Biggest highlight was Contact Missions Church of Christ. It's a sister church of Park Plaza across the river. It's full of children and the best kind. The ones who need a lot of love. They're the ones you know soak up every ounce you give them and man am I willing to give them love. Note how I said I was worn out.

Finally the Direction (Day 152/153)

Friday I headed to Searcy. This time it wasn't school related. Actually, I went for Campus Ministries United and I didn't learn anything about campus ministries. That isn't to say that the convention was a bust. God just decided to open my eyes in a different way. I think I can now say I'm almost positive I know what He meant when He told me He would be stretching me. I say almost positive because I don't know if this is His final stretch or if another one is to follow. What I do know is this was what He wanted me to see.

Done Done Done (Day 151)

So I know I said I was done with college last Friday when I finished my internship. Well, that was sort of a lie. Today was my official last day. Now I'm done done done. I still had eight reports to write and today I busted them all out. It wasn't a fun task, daunting actually, but now they are all done. No more college. It's in the rearview mirror and ironically I'm headed to Searcy tomorrow. And with that said I'm off to bed. Wake up call is at five tomorrow morning. Goodnight all and God bless.

Self Control (Day 150)

Today I could talk about how I had a wonderful talk with Becca as we sat at Shades (favorite coffee shop in Tulsa), or about the fun I had a Stephanie's with a large group of friends, but instead I'm going to talk about how for once in my life I had self control..

I Think I Can (Day 147/148/149)

Well, I did it. I went three days without posting. Shame on me. Well, the reason for doing it was Sunday's blessing was exactly the same as Saturday's except add a bike ride with two friends so refer to that day to understand Sunday.

I Just Know (Day 146)

Oh what a carefree day! You know what I did? Things that I didn't have to leave my house to do. Things I didn't have to shower to do. And you know what, I loved it. Even when I went out I didn't shower or really even put makeup on. What a day.

The beginning portion was me organizing all my design projects on my computer which actually took several hours because there are so many of them, watching Soul Surfer (excellent choice), doing a Bible study, and writing the More About Me section (which you should go check out if you don't already know me) of my blog. Then around 7:00 I got out of my bed, put a clean pair of running shorts and a tshirt on, washed my face, dabbed on a bit of blush and mascara, and headed out the door for some serious catching up with friends. My dear friend Kelsey has been out of town for two weeks so it was necessary we spent the evening together. And even though I just saw Kayleigh and Jessica recently, I can never get enough time with them.

New Look!!

I finally got to design my site which is good since I'm sort of a designer and that's sort of my job. I promise I have talent and now you can see that a little more! I might change it again later just to keep things new. And go check out my new page "More About Me" up in the left corner. Thanks for reading!

Last Day (Day 144/145)

I thought I should post before going out tonight so I don't rack up another three day post. I'm trying to get better at sticking to the original plan of once a day. Forgive me if you find that to be too much reading. Honestly, I don't care. ;)

Keep On, Keeping On (Day 143)

First off, I feel like if I don't say this I'm not an American.. Happy Independence Day! The fireworks in Tulsa were great and the cookout which turned out to me more of a cook-in since not many of us went outside was wonderful. So many people showed up! I love when people participate! It warms my heart.

So great day right? Well as I drove the two miles home I started having a mental breakdown and by the time I was outside my house I was balling as I prayed to God. If you've been reading since at least day 7 (Don't Take My Couch) you know that God specifically told me He would be stretching me.. if you haven't read it, I would recommend it since I literally had two profits come talk to me. I'll even make it easy for you. Here's a link.

Alarm System: Check (Day 142)

Got home from work today and took my time watching a sparrow jump around my front yard. It's been quite sometime since I've taken a moment to sit back and marvel at the little things. After entering the door to my front porch I noticed something very off about my house. My front door was wide open. I did what most people would consider a stupid thing. I went inside. Don't worry, I first looked around to see if anything just inside the door seemed out of place and it didn't. I took a step inside and saw the Tv was still there so I ventured farther in. I got back to my aunts bedroom and saw her cat sitting on her bed which seemed like a good sign nobody was still there since he would be hiding if the case had been different.

Nothing But Shocking (Day 141)

I promised I would let you in on my internship and since today was one of the loneliest days this summer there isn't any huge blessing I wouldn't be sharing with you.

Last Tuesday, my boss called me into his office and pretty much told me he was unimpressed with me and that I had no passion. He then proceeded to tell me that I should of been competing with a freelance designer he hired to work for him for a few months the entire time I was here. He told me I was more talented but she was still designing circles around me. He said I should of been doing anything possible to get hired. His examples were how she stays overnight to get things done, does things she's not getting paid to do, and jokes with him. I was in complete shock. I thought that coming in on time everyday, getting everything done that was given to me, and staying past three (which is when I'm scheduled to get off) almost everyday was good. It also really upset me that he was comparing me to a paid employee. I just wish he would of said something earlier because I wasn't trying to come across as apathetic. My last day was supposed to the third but after he told me that I reluctantly decided to stay until the tenth.

Trust That He Will Protect(138/139/140)

Well, Friday was a dear friend's birthday. She turned 22 and thankfully her family lives in Tulsa so I got to meet four adorable children! I've been missing kids in my life so for them to open up to me and want to play with me was just what the doctor ordered. I've been a coach since I was thirteen and since that time I haven't gone many days without being around kids. I always knew I loved them but I didn't realize how much until the realization hit me that I won't be coaching again anytime soon. That was a huge shock and disappointment. I've found myself acting like I'm still a coach or a Sunday school teacher. When I was in those positions it didn't matter if I knew the kids. I could just pick them up and move them, talk to them, help them, etc. At swim meets I would always be down with the four through eight year olds and if one wasn't in the right spot I would literally just pick them up and move them. I would also squat down and talk to them making sure they knew what they were swimming. I'd check to see if their suits were secure so we wouldn't find them floating in the pool after they dove in, and I would get them excited by jumping around with them. Well now that's just creepy. I can't go and pick up a random child I don't know. Their parents might think I'm kidnapping. And not many kids think it's normal for some random adult to start talking to them. So you see, being with four kids who trusted me was over joyful. I got to be more of who I really am.

Clutching My Ankles (Day 136/137)

I'm going to let you in on probably the most emotional moment of my life. Get ready. It happened tonight. I was over at some friends' house, sitting around their living room, and the conversation turned real. I was asked the question, "What do you want? What's the one thing you want?" What is the one things I want?

So Far Behind!! (Day 129/130/131/132/133/134/135)

Oh my goodness I'm so far behind. Everything has been so hectic and I've pushed my writing to the back. Blessing 129 was from last Wednesday and I honestly can't remember what it was!! The same for Thursday as well! I'm not going to let that discourage me though. I'm sticking with this.

129: I'll say church because I always love Wednesday night church. Our lesson series right now is on the four cardinal virtues: justice, wisdom, moral courage, and self control. Wonderful information.

Without (Day 125/126/127/128)

Ok I'm really tired so I'm not going to write much. Yesterday, a few friends and I started a three day fast for a newborn having open-heart surgery. Never in my life have I gone a day without food. I love food and all my friends know I sure can eat. My metabolism is a quick one so when it got to lunch of day one my stomach was crying. And by dinner the hunger pains felt like they were spreading throughout my entire body. Top it off with a bad and long day at work and I wanted to quit. I just wanted to regain strength and the easiest way to do that is to eat.

Expression (Day 124)

I know I've been saying that I've been struggling with my internship but I've been changing my mind about that. I went to lunch with another employee who told me that I was really important to the company. We had started getting very busy and the other designers were starting to really rely on me to help get projects done.

Compliment Topper (Day 123)

I received a compliment today that was literally better than any I've ever received before and it was in a handwritten letter which makes it ten times better! All the other compliments wrapped into one cannot compare to this one. Being told I'm smart, talented, pretty, nice, are all great but this one was by far the one that tops all other compliments.

What We Don't Think About (Day 122)

You know those days that aren't really all that good but you know you should be thankful for all the things you have? Ya, I'm having one of those days. So today I'm adding this picture that gives thanks for those things we normally forget about and the things we don't see as blessings.

Time Keeps Ticking On (Day 118/119/120/121)

Saturday: What a wonderful day. I woke up early and headed over to Arkansas to see a close friend get married. It was unlike any wedding I'd ever been to. Instead of having music playing in the background, they had the audience sing hymns. We got to bless them as they became man and wife through those hymns. It was also very encouraging that the whole procession was focused on God in their relationship. I really can't wait to see their life start together and to see their family grow. God will bless them tremendously.

Real (Day 117)

Not that my evening with my aunt tonight wasn't enjoyable but I really want to talk about something else that happened to me last night. Because it involves others, I can't go into much details, but it's not really necessary. So last night was the first night of exchange. Exchange is a time where a group of people who are doing seven weeks of study come together to be real. And let me tell you, people were real.

Encouragement (Day 114/115/116)

Tuesday: People on here know how I've been down about my internship. Well, on Tuesday I was talking to another employee who used to be an intern for the company and she started talking about all the things she had to do while interning. I told her my latest task of untangling wires and how I was afraid it was because my boss didn't see me as a talented designer. She laughed and told me that was just being an intern. What she didn't know was that those few words meant so much to me. It wasn't because I couldn't design. It was just the way of life. Not that I really want life to be like this, but it's much better than not being trusted with actual work. It made it easier to do the tasks given to me after that.

Grunt (Day 113)

So that internship. You know the one. The one that I was so excited about. Well it hasn't been as exciting as I thought. I've been given a lot of what I like to call grunt work. Today I walked in and was rewarded with the task of going down to the sixth floor storage closet and untangling around forty wires. When I got down there I sat on the floor and immediately text my three closest here in Tulsa asking for prayers.

My Summer Word (Day 112)

Vulnerability. It's something I don't do. I'm much better at turning off my emotions. I can put on an "I don't care face" and just walk away. I've become increasingly better at this the more times I've been hurt. No one except a few close friends know when I'm hurting. Hurting/pain is weakness and that is not acceptable to me.

So how come I feel like the only way to survive right now is to be vulnerable? Today started the first day of Seven. Seven is a seven week devotional series the college group puts on every summer. This year is about really getting out of our comfort zones and sharing the Word. So you can see why I wasn't up for it. If I put myself out there, let myself be vulnerable, then I could be rejected and I'm not ok with that. I'll admit that my heart was hard when I walked in those doors tonight. I was not into anything Dave was saying. I was so turned off I wanted to walk out. But I didn't, mostly out of fear of what others would say.

Unconditional Love? (Day 109/110/111)

I really want to focus on today, Saturday's, blessing so the others I'm going to just highlight on.

Thursday: I was asked to take on the challenge of designing for Africa International Missions. Of course I took it. It's designing and helping people, and I'm doing it pro bono to give God thanks for giving me such talent. Then my friend/now coworker informed me this would be going out to a few million people... Oh boy. That's a big more than I was expecting and because of that I was very honored to be asked to design for them. God is good.

Eat Your Heart Out (Day 108)

Ok here's the deal. I want to preface this before I say what it is. I used to be a swimmer. And when you're a swimmer you learn to eat abnormally large amounts of food. I also have a fast metabolism which means my body is capable to getting things out of my stomach quickly. I also want to state that even though I can still eat like a swimmer doesn't mean I do. I don't particularly like eating large amounts of food.

(Day 104/105/106/107)

Sorry long weekend. I've got to start writing these earlier in the day. I've been out late every night because my friends are too awesome to leave!

So Saturday we headed out to the lake. It was wonderful being with so many close friends. We enjoyed tubing together, laying out on a floating island, taking so many pictures, riding on sea-doos, and getting some color.. if I can even do that. Another thing that I got to try was wake boarding! It was once of the best experiences I've ever had. I got the hang of it pretty quickly. I just love the lake. I love water and sun and fun. If I could choose, I would be on the lake every day.

Music, Fellowship, Peace (Day 101/102/103)

Wednesday: There is one thing in Tulsa that I've missed more than anything. It happens every Wednesday night at the coffee shop. We come and praise God. We don't only sing, we belt out. We come to give everything we have to Him but without trying get so much out of it for ourselves as well. The Well, as it's called it, is one of the most spiritual hours I've ever experienced. It's a feeling like no other. I believe it's what David experienced when he sang his psalms. When the music starts the atmosphere of the room changes. You can feel the air moving around you, you can sense the people clinging to the words. Sometimes I seem to create music I didn't know was possible. I seem to sing from a part that is deep inside me. I let go of the fear of what I sound like. I stop using my brain to sing and only rely on my heart. That is what I missed about Tulsa because that is the best way I know how to thank my Father. I give Him my music. My music can come from no one else because it is my voice. It is something solely mine therefore that gift can be given by only me.

Three Hours Away (Day 99/100)

Three hours away from graduating that is.. and those three hours started yesterday! Well really I'm 195 hours away which equals three hours of credit. And really if you count the last two days it's only 182 hours and 15 minutes. I'm a bit excited to get that diploma.

My Rock (Day 97/98)

I don't know where to start. I'm combining these two blessings over the past two days because they all tie together. As I was driving up to Tulsa my mind was racing. So many things are unknown to me right now. It's been enough to bring me to tears multiple times. I feel like everything around me is unstable. There's nothing to hold on to. I thought coming to Tulsa would fix all of that. It's a place I feel so comfortable in. It's my home. But even it has been so different it's almost unrecognizable. I wanted to get to a place where I could grab on to some certainty but even after arriving I'm still juggling these emotions.

His Perspective (Day 96)

My blessing today is I'm glad I'm not stupid enough to wrestle an alligator.. Ok, not really. But I'm watching a guy wrestle an alligator on the news and I think he's a bit crazy. Really my blessing is just being able to get out. I wasn't in my house really at all. Except when I was packing I was out with my aunt eating lunch and spending the afternoon catching up and then out with my family for dinner.

I'm A Potato, Couch Potato That Is (Day 95)

Well, my bike is now in my hands. I haven't been able to ride it yet because of when I got to go pick it up but I still have it. It's been a pretty lazy day here. I should of been packing but of course I've decided to leave it to the last possible moment. Oh well, won't get many more lazy days. It's still hard for me to consider them blessings since I don't like to sit still for very long, but what the heck, they're blessings.

New Wheels (Day 94)

Today I received my first custom set of wheels. They're putting it together at the shop as I type and you read. I get to go pick it up tomorrow. It's shiny and red with tiny white stripes down the side. Leather seating, thin black wheels with black rims. Front and rear brakes. Oh, and a chain, handle bars, and pedals. That's because I got a bike!

Relish (Day 92/93)

Yesterday was the first day I didn't want to write. The reason being I don't have much to say. I'm on the cusp of graduation which means my group of friends is not here and being a social person I'm hitting my wall. I can only sit around for so long. Thank goodness Tulsa is only 3 days away.

Family Weekend (Day 90/91)

Saturday: My bother and I headed up to Durant, Ok to help clean out my grandparent's old house. Cleaning was tiring and even though driving back was tiring as well I really enjoyed being with my brother and talking about life. It's been a long time since I've been able to just sit back and talk with him. We've been on such different schedules and so far apart it hasn't happened. And for two weeks we're in the same place so I'm going to spend this time with him as much as I can.

All About Sweat (Day 87/88/89)

Wednesday: 4:30AM. Alarm goes off. I'm dreading it but I know once I'm up and in the crisp water it will be better. I'll be wide awake and feel refreshed as my body slips through the water like a knife.

Reminders (Day 86)

I don't have anything big today. It's my fault. I didn't make God a priority in my life today. I wasted most of it on catching up on old Big Bang Theory episodes my parents recorded for me, reading the Hunger Games, and doing a some odd jobs around the house. It's because I didn't start the morning off with Jesus Calling. I completely forgot. This trying to get into a routine is difficult when there's nothing to schedule around. Only once did I pray today. It feels weird, being this distant from Him. It's like when I don't get to talk to Liz for a few days. I feel something's missing. I hope this can be a reminder to make sure I always start off with my 30-45 minute mornings or reading, reflecting, and communing with my Father.

Locked Up (Day 82/83/84/85)

The reason I didn't write is because my computer was locked up in my car under the weight of all my belongings this past weekend. I left my dorm Friday afternoon and wasn't able to unpack until later last night. Here's the weekend wrap-up, blessing style :)

Friday: After checking out and leaving my dorm forever(!!), I drove up to Heber to spend the day at the lake with Chloe. It was a wonderful, relaxing day, full of sun, swimming, music, and reading. We found a remote location away from the creepy boys that can get a little too close sometimes and laid our towels out. From 1:30 to 6:30 we laid around and whenever we got hot or bored we headed out to the buoys at the edge of the swimming area.

Blinking Butt Bugs (Day 81)

Everyone who reads this knows I love stars. They mesmerize me, they capture my attention, they make me ponder about the extent of God. The next best thing to stars is fireflies. Maybe it's because we don't have them in Dallas, maybe it's because their butts glow, but maybe it's because they are dancing stars. These faint yellow/green lights blink as they travel through space, able to travel in all directions.

My Angel In Disguise (Day 80)

My blessing started out early this morning. Right as I woke up I text a friend with "soooo..." There was something big that happened to her earlier this week and she was filled with worry. All the worry was in her head but you know what happens to us women when we put our hearts on the line. There is no calming us down until the issue has been resolved. Our minds just take charge and it never seems to be positive thoughts.

Wonderful Weekend (76/77/78/79)

Wonderful weekend, my last weekend..

Friday: Today really was a terrible day. I missed a test and couldn't reschedule it so I received a zero, I couldn't get my schedule my class for this summer because of holds, test score errors, and pre-recs, and there was a bit of drama with some people. I was almost to tears until I went to practice and the party Danielle and I threw for the kids was amazing. They loved the food and then they really loved when Danielle and I surprised them by jumping in and swimming with them. After my eyes were red from being splashed for an hour but my heart felt much lighter and at peace.

Brush Away (Day 74/75)

Dead week is a crucial time in a student's career. All students are locked away in certain building and rarely do they come out. Unfortunately on Wednesday, I was in need of a power drill and being a girl something like that doesn't ever make the Christmas list. I text people right and left asking if they had one but I got a whole bunch of no's. Until, one person told me her husband had one (that's still hard to say since I've been working with this girl for four years and I've always called him "Stephen, Danielle's boyfriend"). This guy is an engineering major who isn't just busy on dead week, but all of the time. Thankfully, he considers me a good enough friend that he left the science building, drove to his house, then drove back to the art building, and put together three frames for my friends and I. And since these frames were due the next day the help was really needed. So because of Stephen, I didn't have to pay the extra money to have my painting professionally framed, saving me quite a bit of money.

Surprise Visit (Day 73)

Another short one today. I went to practice to find an old friend and swim coach ready to surprise me at the door. It was fantastic having someone to help coach and to joke around with while I worked. Yes I know, work and play shouldn't mix, but in the swimming world coaches can play off each other to keep the kids interested. With six boys ranging in ages 9 to 11 that is much needed. And while their heads were underwater we were able to catch up the news from the past semester.

Breathing Easy Again (Day 71/72)

It's all over. My show is officially set up and now I can relax, well sort of. I still have quite a bit of work ahead of me but I'm not too worried about it. I'm just glad I can breathe easy for the next two weeks and enjoy the end of my college career. It's something I can't believe I'm saying. I really can't believe I finish school in two weeks. I'm not really sure if I'm ready for the big bad world yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm done with classes, I just don't know if I want to leave the relationships I've built with friends, teachers/staff, and Searcy residents. But that's not the point. Today's point is that I'm done with my busy weekend and it ended successfully. I knew it would. Now, I can sleep, study (a little), and enjoy the last few pages of this chapter of my life. Real world, ready of not, here I come.

One Way to New York Please (Day 70)

Before everything gets too busy today I want to go ahead and post. I was out of my dorm by 9:30 this morning (not really all that early) and headed to Staples to print off some of my projects. The lady told me it would take about 30 minutes so I went off to Walmart and Big Lots to pick up a few more items. When I got back she had found a typo in my work and had stopped the printing. It was very sweet of her and she even didn't make me pay for the $30 of paper I had just wasted. Thankfully, I brought my computer so I whipped up a new file and it was printing in no time. Being low on gas, I decided to just sit around and wait. I had a few things I could work on and I didn't mind doing it right there.

Show Weekend (Day 68/69)

I tried my hardest to post every day but it didn't work out so well.

So some exciting news happened. Two of my best friends got engaged!! And I got to be a part of it. Not the engagement but the ring ceremony.. it's this weird tradition Harding does. But I got invited to it even though I wasn't part of Delta Gamma Rho. It was so exciting seeing her smile and his eyes. I've been told you can tell when a girl is in love by her smile and a boy by his eyes. I saw both. I've seen it before with this couple but today it was radiating. It made me extremely happy to see them so happy.

Appreciation Day (Day 67)

I walked into Bible class late tonight. The moment I walked in one of my favorite little boys ran up to me with a card he made me. My exhaustion immediately disappeared when I saw his smile. He opened the card and read it to me: "Thank you for being my teacher", in very good handwriting I might add. God has given me this wonderful chance to be able to be around kids. I love children with all my heart. They really are what make me want to keep going. Their love is pure and true. I never feel like a child gives me a hug because they feel like it will look good for appearances or because they feel obligated to do so. And with this crazy week I'm in it's nice to be able to escape to something I enjoy most; being around children.

Sudden Surgery (Day 66)

A few hours ago another thing was thrown onto my plate. My mom text me, yes text me, that my dad was in the emergency room complaining of pain. Come on mom! Call!! It ended up that he had an inflamed gallbladder and he needed surgery. Of course, my mind started racing. I was thinking I would be going home this weekend which was impossible since I have a senior show to put up. Honestly, it's not been the only thing on my mind today. There's been a lot of questions rushing through my head, but I'll go into that  when I find the answers (which hopefully will be soon with the Lord's help). Ok, so add those questions plus my senior show, and then top it off with my dad in the hospital, and you have one freaked out girl.

Came Out With Only A Scratch (Day 65)

Well, today is definitely a weird one. I was leaving work, about to head to a senior seminar meeting. I crossed the street on my bike to get up onto the sidewalk. All of the sudden this girl I was about to pass decides she's going to switch to the other side of the sidewalk. I tried to dodge her but instead found myself knocking into her, running into a bush, and flying over my handlebars into more concrete. A think I saw my life flash before my eyes. I just knew I was either going to break something, be bleeding, or have a concussion. Somehow my hands hit the pavement and I didn't crack my wrists, my knee hit also and I wasn't bleeding, and my head stayed safely in the air. I can now say I've flown.

A True Fit (Day 64)

Everybody wants to feel like they're a part of something. Like they belong. I've been in Searcy four years and never really found a church I felt I was a part of. Many factors went into me not finding one and I don't really have the energy to elaborate. Don't worry, I wasn't scorned by any of them; I just didn't find a fit. That changed last semester when I started going to Downtown. I walked in a realized I already knew many people from the community since quite a few were my swimmers and their families. It was nice walking in every week and not just saying hi to other students. But still, I felt a little like another number.

Young and Free (Day 63)

I used to be spontaneous. I was the one in the group that would never turn an activity down. Someone asked me to go somewhere and I only had five minutes to make a decision; I'd always do it. Random road trips; I was in. Even if I really didn't have the time, I would never pass up a time to be young, because being young only gets to happen, well, while you're young. Then my junior year rolled around and school started getting serious. Work became more demanding and I had to invest more time. Classes became more challenging and the projects were larger and more in depth. I was realizing I was growing up and I bowed down and accepted the fact. My spontaneity slowly vanished and I became a person with a routine. The thing is, somewhere deep inside, that young girl was still there and she wanted out. But with my schedule it just couldn't happen.

3 Days of Stress (60/61/62)

I'm really sorry I don't write much. I know most don't mind; I guess I'm saying sorry mostly to myself. I feel like I'm letting myself down sometimes. The semester has officially gotten to it's craziest part. Three weeks left! All that's standing in my way of graduating is a 5 tests, a painting, a website I need to code, and then my senior show. Ok, maybe it's still quite a bit. Actually, it's a lot, but it will all be over before I know it. And another reason I'm sorry I don't write all the time is I sometimes forget what I wanted to say for certain days. This is one of those times.. My life just seems so hectic right now and it's sometimes hard to remember what happened on what day.

A Smidgen of Strength (Day 59)

I judged too soon. I should of waited a few hours to write my last blog post. Not that the hug from my little swimmer wasn't a blessing, but I was given something else later. And let me add that it was after spending some quality time with my Father. I was about to head off to a study session after the busy day I had been through and I really didn't want to go. I prayed for strength and headed off to the library.

Perseverance (Day 56/57/58)

Saturday: I got to see my family. There wasn't anything specific to call a blessing. Just getting to see them. It's hitting me that I'm not moving back home when I graduate. They aren't going to be a room away, not even a few miles away. And I know, I've been six hours away for the past four years but it's different this time. In college there was always that day when I went back home. Now, I will literally be living in a different city. I'll be living there full time, making a living, and starting a new life. My days with them numbered so every time I see them is a blessing. Goodness, I've been so emotional lately. I guess it's all the changes going on in my life. They're all hitting at once and the uncertainty of life after college is just as scary as it is exciting.

Reunited! (Day 55)

What is a college student to do on a Friday when she has nothing from 9:30AM to 3:30PM and when the campus is bustling with people? Go lay on the front lawn, of course! It's perfect because I don't have to make plans but I will most definitely  see people. And I did. While talking to one of them I saw something running at me from the corner of my eye. It was one of my oldest and closest friends!!!! Ryan McAlister!! I'm so excited because this girl transferred last semester and I've been missing her for so long. She joined me on my blanket and we talked like we had never left each other. She's one of the ones I've trusted with everything I've ever done, all the mistakes I've made, all the emotions and memories I don't let out to many. I can count the number of people on one hand that know that much about me so it was such a blessing to have her sitting right next to me.

Drifting (Day 53/54)

I've been drifting. Since I got sick I've found myself occupying my time with things that distract me from God. Yesterday I got on here to write something and realized I hadn't thanked God for anything. I did on the other hand find plenty of negative things to ruin my day. And not once did I even talk to Him about those things. Not once did I even lift up a few words to Him. So, I decided I would wait until today to see if I could think of anything to say about yesterday.

Drive (Day 52)

It's been on my mind since the beginning of this year. Do I really enjoy design? I know I'm talented, but do I really enjoy it? My first thoughts were no. I didn't like it. Design is selfish, it's many intense hours, it's late nights, early mornings, loads of caffeine (which btw I don't like), it's demanding clients who don't believe I have the skills to design what will sell. And there's another story all in itself. My job is to sell a product. It's to make people believe they need something. It's what makes women, girl as well, believe they are fat. It's what makes men believe that having nice cars and suits will get them women. It's what makes society believe that premarital sex is the right thing to do. But for some reason God gave me this incredible talent.

The Fear of Failure (Day 51)

I have this fear. The fear of failure. I believe that's why I run from things. I'm afraid I'll fail at them so I break ties. I've run from school, projects, design competitions, a variety of sports, friends, relationships, God, even myself. My eyes are tearing up at the realization that I think I have to be so perfect I would rather run away than fight. And you know what? In the end it's causes even more pain. The pain of failure would be a small percentage of the pain I've felt from running, from giving up. And I know I've hurt others in the process. I've left some people with so many questions because I was too afraid to try. Because trying meant failing until I got it right and that's something I can't let myself do.

Busy Weekend (Day 48/49/50)

It's been a long weekend filled with some fun and so much homework. Sorry, I haven't been able to keep up with the blog. This last month of school is going to cause quite a bit of stress. I ask for prayers for me and the other seniors wrapping up their last experiences.

Trying Something New (Day 47)

I'm sorry, but my blessing today is too personal to explain to you today. I was hoping I would never do this to my audience but I really don't feel comfortable sharing the details of this one. I can tell you the blessing was I finally got to talk to a dear friend about personal information I was too afraid to bring up, and when I did I was met with a positive attitude; something I wasn't expecting.

But, even if I'm not comfortable sharing everything, I do want to share something I've come to realize. When I was sharing some of my prayers that had been answered, I felt awkward when saying how God had brought me my answers. Some were very mystical, one even coming from a dream. Why should I feel awkward sharing those? I guess I thought she would think I was crazy and wouldn't believe me. Or maybe she would try and cause more doubt that they weren't real answers. Then I started to think. My thoughts led me to realize that those feelings of awkwardness were Satan's words filtering in. He wanted me to feel that doubt so I wouldn't share my answered prayers and so I wouldn't feel like my prayers had actually been answered at all.

Don't Worry, I Didn't Quit (Day 43/44/45/46)

Remember when I said on Sunday I was getting better, well I wasn't. My mistake. I spent Monday re-watching all the movies I had the day before plus a few new ones. But it was nice; as nice as being sick can be.

On Tuesday it was back to the real world starting with an awesome aerobics class which actually made me sore. Then a successful painting critique. So far, so good. Next was work. I walking into the pool and was greeted with six new swimmers. I got a bit worried. But there was nothing to be worried about. All six, boys may I add, had quite a bit of talent so there was great improvement in the one practice. All the boys were outgoing and energetic but good listeners. It really made for a perfect combination.

Sick Day (Day 42)

I woke up this morning with my stomach in knots. I didn't know if it was something I ate last night or what but, when I stood up and almost passed out on my floor I knew exactly what was going on. When I traveled to Africa Summer 2010 I contracted malaria. Other than the week of exhaustion I consider a pretty awesome experience. I just consider myself someone who got the full experience. The only set back is the outbreaks that happen. Last year I had one that kept me down for a few days. With that one I thought I'd find myself in the hospital. I had a high fever, I couldn't even lift my head off my bed, but I had to so I could go throw up, and when I finally stopped throwing up I slept for a full fourteen hours without medication.

The Feeling of Success (Day 40/41)

Yesterday: This week I had the great privilege to teach children how to swim for charity. I was helping raise money for my church so they could buy a new and much needed bus and handicap van. The three children I taught were so precious. They rarely complained and were so willing to try new things. I will say it was extremely challenging teaching children how to swim on sort of a schedule. Most private lessons last at least five days and are an hour long. I had four days and thirty minutes. The most rewarding time of this week happened on the last ten minutes in my second lesson with a little girl named Marissa.

The Talk I've Been Praying For (Day 39)

In my attempt to live day by day I've asked God to give me opportunities to share His love and to be a servant to people. Not too long ago, the chapel speaker (I've blanked on his name) spoke about how he was once in the hospital and wasn't getting better. He kept on praying for healing. He was only thinking about his agenda. Then, a nurse who had no spiritual background came his way and he realized God was keeping in that hospital so he could show her God's love. Ever since that day I've realized that my agenda doesn't matter. I can only do with what God gives me on this day. There is no point in looking to future days. And if I'm going to live one day at a time then I might as well live each day to the very best. How better to live then by sharing Jesus with others?

Where's My Wallet? (Day 38)

It's a little early in the week to be making such a stupid mistake. I haven't gone grocery shopping since before spring break and I finally made it to Walmart today. I stocked up on about $75 worth of food and other items and after I was completely rung up I realized my wallet was no where in site! Oh the embarrassment! Thankfully I was with a trusted friend who told me she would pay for my high priced items. That saved me a second trip to a place I already dread going and the shame I would of felt for making someone restock all of my items.

Illiterate at Age Seven (Day 37)

I completely forgot to post something for today and this has been on my mind for awhile now.

Most children learn to read in kindergarden. Not this one. They didn't know I couldn't read until I took a reading test in second grade. The reason I was able to keep it hidden for so long was because I had the comprehension level of a senior in high school. My teacher would read a book and I would remember it word for word. I would even remember when to flip the page. Now, I didn't do this because I wanted to try to keep my illiteracy a secret. I just thought that was what reading was.

What's Important to You? (Day 35/36)

Wherever you are take a good look around. Take in the things you see, the objects and the people. Now what would make you more upset, losing the things or the friends? I've realized that most of my posts have been about people. They've been about a times I gotten to spend with the ones I love. Here and there I'll talk about an internship or a test but it's mostly about people. That's because people make my world. I love being around others. I love showing others how much I care. I love growing in relationship with others by spending time with them. But mostly I love the fun, enjoyment, and excitement I feel when I'm around others. That's why I'm three days behind on my blessings. It's not because I didn't have anything to write about. It's because I was too busy growing closer to friends.

Cheap Memories (Day 33/34)

On day 34 I was finally able to eat with an old friend, Tripp Radcliffe. He adopted me as his little sister around my freshman year and has stuck by my side ever since. In a few months many things will be changing for both of us since we will both be graduating. It was encouraging being able to swap knowledge and wisdom as we both talk about our prospective plans while trying to keep God in the center of our life. We both have exciting futures ahead of us with our careers but there are still many things uncertain and they can take a toll on our energy levels. It's friends like him that make me realize I'm really loved.

Lots of Little Things (Day 31/32)

Yesterday was a busy day. I was up at 7AM and didn't stop moving until 6PM. I had plans to get dinner with Liz and then the next thing we knew it was 10:30. Whoops, guess homework wasn't going to get done, or a blog post get written. Nothing extraordinary happened yesterday but it was filled with many small gifts. I numbered them off in my journal:

I Must Write It Down (Day 30)

I didn't want to write today. I was going over my day and I didn't have anything happen that was worth sharing. Maybe a little blessing here, and a little one there. But nothing that was awe inspiring. I became selfish and wanted something as precious as yesterdays. I thought to myself, "If nothing comes around that is as moving and lovely as the blessing I received yesterday I don't want to write, I don't want to thank." Can I be anymore of a brat? I'm rolling my eyes at myself; one because I said that, and two because I just admitted it to the world. But I want people to see the real me, the me that messes up, the me that fails her perfect, loving Father, and the me that is still learning and growing. Only then can I bring others closer to Christ.

The Psalm Coming From Me (Day 29)

Most won't understand this. It's too personal. But I want to write about it because this blessing made me throw back my head and praise my Father more than I have ever done in my life. I felt like a Psalm was coming from my lips. My heart, mouth, mind; they were all moved by joy and love. I wish I could just upload my feelings into this post so everyone could download them and feel what I felt, what I'm still feeling and hour later.

A Way to Get Back (Day 28)

Once again I had a lazy day. The last lazy day until May. Today I'm thankful for my dad who spent all day in the rain working on my truck. I'm so thankful he did that. On the way to Tulsa my car decided it didn't want to accelerate up hills. The car would shake and lose speed quickly. The service light came on and I was a bit worried getting stuck in Oklahoma. Thankfully I made it home and after looking at my spark plugs we realized it was way past time getting new ones. From early afternoon to late evening my dad was leaned over the hood while the rain poured down, only protected by a tarp hanging above. But now everything works like a charm and the hills on the way to Searcy won't become an unexpected rest stop. Once again I'm not writing much, I want to be able to spend this time with my parents instead of behind this screen. Starting next week I'll get back to the normal posts. There is something I read in Ezra that struck me and I want to share it.

For Those Boring Days (26/27)

Day 26/27 have been pretty slow. The rain and the cold have caused the later half of my spring break to be drag. I feel bad because I don't really feel like writing much. This is the first time I've had to really dig to be thankful for something. But then again, aren't those sometimes the best ways to tell our Father we are thankful? Those times when things aren't exciting and new, those times that seem mundane and boring? I believe so. I believe when we can still find things to be thankful for even when nothing exciting happens we are saying to our Father, "I'm still thankful for the life and the love You're giving me." And hey, my life isn't getting worse. That could be the case. So there's something to be thankful for in itself. But today, I'm actually going say thanks for a day with my parents. We really didn't do anything. My mom and I got out the calendar and talked about the best time for one of our last family vacations, my dad and mom took me to look at bikes for when I graduate, we went to a pretty awesome catfish place, and then lounged around and watched tv. It might not be the "best day", it might not seem that exciting, but I won't get this for much longer. When else in my life will I get a spring break? Let me give you a hint, never. So, I will be thankful for this time with them... even if we're watching Jimmy Kimmel Live and Steven Tyler is on and I find him vulgar, I'm with my parents so I'm happy. Oh and Kameron, I know you'll read this. I wish you were here with us right now.

So Far Behind! (Day 23/24/25)

I'm must apologize to my faithful readers. It's my spring break so I'm not as attached to my computer. I'll get to that later though.

A Different Group (Day 22)

I did the whole planning thing again. I thought up in my head how great this weekend was going to be. I would be spending time with friends and Park Plaza. Well, I found out this weekend all of those friends would actually be taking a trip to Dallas and not be getting back until late Sunday. I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know anybody here. What class would I go to at church. I know, these things might sound petty to some, but I just didn't expect it to go this way. See, that word expect, that evil little word that makes us disappointed. Without expectations we can't be disappointed and we get those expectations when we decide to plan.

Pray For Ty (Day 21)

Midterms can be a hectic week; filled with tests, late night study sessions, and in between planning for a wonderful spring break. When tragedy hits during a time like this we all remember that life doesn't stop just because school did. Today I want to dedicate my blog to a boy named Ty Osman and to the wonderful Harding family I've gotten to call my own. Ty was driving to Dallas, my hometown, for spring break with his friends. Being a freshman in college this had to be an exciting experience for him. Frist time on his own, with some people he must love, and getting to finally experience that college spring break we've all anticipated at least once in our life. While they were traveling down I-30 the car in front of Ty's was hit. He decided to pull over and help his friends. As he was doing so he was hit by another car. Ty was care-flighted to the hospital in Longview and is now in critical condition.

What a Way to End Midterms Week (Day 19/20)

The past two days have been incredibly hectic so excuse the delay on day 19. I feel like I actually did quite well considering it was midterms week.

The Art of Talking (Day 18)

Well today is going to seem like a small one to most people but if you know me well then you know I'm horrible when it comes to talking on the phone. They say communication is 80% non verbal and the way I communicate fits that mold. I need to see someones face to know what they are truly saying. One example being silence. Silence over the phone, in my head, means someone's angry when it really could just mean they're thinking. Facial features play such a big role in how I react. If I don't hear enough tonal reflections then I clam up and don't talk. I get nervous and that's the end of the conversation. It doesn't matter who I'm talking to either, whether it be my mom or a customer service agent. I dread long conversations on the phone. Also, the moment someone says hello I forget everything I was going to say. I could have slews to talk about, many moments I wanted to share, but then they're gone in a flash. I have to force myself to come up with topics and that makes me feel uncomfortable so then I freeze up and really can't think of anything to say. It's really quite sad. I would avoid having a phone at all if it wasn't such a necessity now.

She's Been There (Day 17)

This week's been a roller coaster of emotions. Since Saturday I've been up and down and just wanting it to stop. School, work, personal life; they're all taking a toll on me this week. What makes it worse is Jesus Calling is telling me to take it one day at a time. I'm not good at that! Today I really set a goal to take this day just as this day and was actually succeeding until one little event. I don't even know how to explain what thoughts and emotions went through my head because they were all over the place. I felt peace then fear then pain then happiness then whatever else. Usually I would go out with friends and get my mind off of it and then talk with God about it later. That seems to work really well. But since it's midterms week and the tests and projects are pilled up to my ears I can't just get away. I have to actually sit down and study. I had to turn down plans and because of my stress I did it quite rudely and I did it to a person that loves me the most. Once I realized I was short, I apologized and told her the reason for my abrupt no. Being the wonderful friend she is, she forgave me.

Soak it In, Please (Day 16)

When you decide to attend Harding University you sign up for quite a few things most universities don't require or even provide. The two that students complain the most about are chapel and Bible classes. And honestly, before this year and really this semester, I was one of the many. Chapel just took up an hour I could be sleeping, studying, or taking another class. I mean who wants to stand up at 9:00AM to sing a few songs, and who wants to sit around and get a lecture. And Bible was something I didn't need in my career and it took so much time and energy. Out of all the classes to lower my GPA, my Bible classes were the ones to do it. Now that I have two months left, I see things differently.

Harding was one of a few colleges I had looked at and it was last on my list. I had applied to some big art schools and been accepted with scholarship but something pulled me towards Harding, unwillingly I might add. I didn't want to attend a school that gave me a curfew, that didn't allow men in my dorm, that made me attend chapel everyday of the year, that made me take 16 hours of Bible. I wanted to have fun, to be a normal college student who spent four years partying. It brings me to tears, those spiritual tears I've talked about before, to say I was that way. If I had attended a state or art school I would be agnostic by now. I would of been agnostic the moment I got there.

Room 211 (Day 15)

Hate to be a negative Nancy here but of all the classes I've taken at Harding I can honestly say painting is my least favorite. It takes so much time to paint and it never looks as good as I would like. The brush smears the paint in all different directions and you can never achieve a thin line. Blending is a pain because the colors streak unless you use just the right pressure. Waiting for things to dry takes literally days. Then on top of that it's still lives and realism. There isn't any emotion in the strokes, no spice. But I loathe going into that room the most because I always think too much. Over-think actually, like overanalyze my entire life and spin myself into a downward spiral. Painting isn't good for my psyche. That seems really weird since most people use art as a way to calm themselves, but for someone who spends their life creating, it actually can have negative effects. I'm one of those. When I do any kind of art (other than design) I only use the left side of my brain. Well, since I'm a creative, the left side is lonely and creates this wild world. Don't ask me why it's negative, it just is. I don't find enjoyment from sitting in a place for too long and looking at the same objects. Maybe that's why, I really don't know. But for whatever reason painting brings out the worst in me.

Failed Again (Day 13/14)

Well I did it again. I thought nothing was good enough to write about. You know what that means? I'm giving God a slap in the face. I'm saying "Father, I don't love the gifts You give me. I want something better." And honestly I know he gave me gifts yesterday. I've been writing them down. To the date I have 326. Some are too personal to tell, some are too strange for anyone to understand. Why do I keep telling myself that these gifts aren't important enough to share, to exclaim to the world how amazing my God is! Because He is amazing. No matter what someone may think, my Father is my rock, my shelter, my comforter, my peace. He's the air I breathe, the light that shines and warms my face. I refuse to stay down after failing again. So to make up for my yesterday I will tell two blessings.

Opened Windows, Opened Doors (Day 11/12)

I have a confession. I'm not good at this. I might put up the front that I'm great at finding God's blessings in my life but I know I miss so many along the way. I also feel like to keep people's attention I have to blow them away every time I post. Last night I remembered after I decided to not write that this isn't for others, this is for me. I don't need the world to hear me for this to be important. It's nice that there are people who care enough to listen but I'm doing this for me. I'm doing this to better my relationship with my Father. This is a way of thanking Him. I want to publicly say thank you. Well when I figured this out I had been laying in bed for two hours, from 11:30 to 1:30, and I couldn't muster the the energy to get up and write anything. So today and yesterday are going to be the same blessing because I don't think God gives you a blessing only once.

The Day THEY Came! (Day 10)

Finally, the day I've been waiting for! NEEDTOBREATHE finally came to my school! They have been my favorite band for such a long time and after they toured with Taylor Swift I was afraid their ticket prices would skyrocket and my dream of seeing them play would evaporate. Well, the wonderful people at CAB somehow booked them at my school! And their concert was wonderful. They are so much better in person. I never imagined being that close to them while they played songs that I've listened to for so long. And on top of that they have Christian undertones to all of there songs so the whole time I felt like I was worshiping! This post is really short because I don't really know how to explained how I feel right now. Also I have quite a bit of homework to do. But they did an amazing job and really lifted my spirits for the night. Thank you so much for that!

Lights in the Dark (Day 9)

I'm really going to back track here. All the way back to seven months ago, because this is my favorite memory of all time. Think of what you see God in most. What objects move you and put you at awe? There has to be something. Mine are the stars. Anything that reminds me of stars can send me into a trance. Those tiny lights so far up that dot the black of night are mesmerizing to me. The beauty I see in them is no where else to be found and when it's a clear night without the pollution of city lights I am at my  happiest. I know He's there among those stars looking down at me just as they are. Stars are a mystery to me and that mystery draws me in so tight that I can't help but stare.

How do I choose?! (Day 8)

Friday I was supposed to have that interview. If you didn't read day seven, I had a scheduled interview with a publishing company in Tulsa for an internship. They called asking if they could reschedule and I was a little frustrated. But if you did read day seven you learned that everything worked out. Well, more happened that night. Being the type of person I am I didn't just email one company inquiring about an internship. I actually emailed seven. I've heard back from most of them and their answers have been along the lines of "we're impressed with your work but we can't support an intern this summer." So when this company wanted an interview I jumped for joy. But back to my point. I received an email from the first company I ever contacted saying they wanted me to come up March 1st. They wanted to get to know me and show me around the office. I expect it to be an interview and when I asked if another time would be ok since March 1st was a Thursday and I had midterms that week, the lady exclaimed that it was more than fine. They just wanted me to come up so they could "just offer me the position and go from there." Wait? Did I read that correctly? They wanted to just hand over the job, no interview, no nothing? And this happened the same day that I was supposed to have an interview with another company?

Don't Take My Couch (Day 7)

Yesterday I was supposed to have my interview for my possible internship. It got rescheduled. I was a little upset since I could of gone to Midnight Oil before work if I had known it wouldn't of happened. I didn't really understand why they waited so long to tell me. I mean thirty minutes after our scheduled interview they finally called me and told me they needed to reschedule. Well I went to work and decided I would just head over to MO after. I love being at Midnight Oil. Today I decided to just dive into the gospel of John and hopefully learn something. I came across the passage "Father, I thank you that you have heard me. I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me." (John 11:41-42) It struck me so I highlighted.

My 30 Kids (Day 6)

Yes, that's right. I have many children. I was born and raised in Dallas, TX where I gained my love for swimming and all things water. I started coaching swimming when I was 14. After moving to Searcy I kept up my coaching by working with the CATS program and the Searcy Sharks. I love kids. I just love being around them and coaching gave me a way to have thirty of them. I don't consider myself just a coach. I hope that my swimmer don't only learn how to be good athletes but that I teach them how to self-motivate, work as a team, and learn to respect others. I hope I'm a mentor to them. I hope they know they can trust me and think of me as a role model.

Mobility (Day 5)

This is sad to say but my most favorite class this semester is aerobics. It has nothing to do with my major, it won't help me with my career. I'm only taking it because I needed another credit to graduate and didn't want homework. But it's turned into my favorite class. It's not like I signed up thinking I would hate it. I love working out. I thrive on sweat. I just didn't think this class would really be intense enough for me. Well today it was intense. Maybe it's because the room was at 80 degrees or maybe it was because my breakfast consisted of only a piece of toast and half a serving of peanut butter, but no matter what, I was tired after. I mean the tired where you are disgusted by any food for the next hour. The tired where you don't want to shower because you can't lift your arms above your head. I love that type of tired. I feel accomplished when hours later I can tell my muscles are still trying to catch up with me.

Birthdays (Day 4)

They only come once a year, birthdays. Now that's I'm 22 I'm not really all that excited for my birthday. I'm just getting older now. There aren't anymore milestones for awhile. But nonetheless it is still my birthday. My blessing for today isn't my birthday though, it's my parents. The two that gave me life. My parents have shaped who I am today. They have taught me to be driven and to not give up. I am strong because the of wisdom my parents gave me. From my mom I got my timeliness, my spunk, my temper (sorry mom), my boldness. From my dad I got my love for nature and animals, my gentle spirit, my caring nature, my tend to worry (sorry dad) for others. Both sets of characteristics have made me who I am and even though I know I'm not perfect, I love myself. They also taught me to do just that, love myself. To know that I am good enough and that people's sly comments should not kill my spirit. They are only lies, God made me how He wanted me. They have given me this weird personality where I can be very blunt but still do it out of love. They have made me logical but emotional at the same time. If I have a question I go find the answer for myself. The characteristics they've given me have made me very independent, so independent where I'm excited to do something new even if I have no one with me. Moving to a new city where I know no one is enticing, walking into a CoC alone for the first time isn't scary to me. Those are just ways to meet new people. I've also been known to pick up stray animals and bring them home. :) Like the one time I went for a run and found a dog laying in the middle of the road (he wasn't dead, just laying there). I took him home, my parents thrilled, put up signs around the neighborhood, and in a few hours the family called.

Answered Prayers (Day 3)

I'm guessing that many of you are like me in that when God sends rough waters your way you ask why. As, I've mentioned before I haven't just been asking why recently, but I've been complaining to my Father. I sometimes just have a very hard time accepting His plans. I don't see the bigger picture, I just see the pain. Pain and suffering are not things that humans enjoy. I don't really mind pain when I'm pushing through an intense workout. The motto "pain is weakness leaving the body" is something I live by when I'm getting my sweat on. I usually refuse pain medication of any kind when something is hurting. Physical pain, bring it on, it only hurts for a moment. Emotional pain, yeah that's a different story.

The Wrong Way (Day 2)

This blessing actually happened Sunday coming back from church. I was with my family and my parents were with me. For some reason my dad refuses to let me drive even though I know the roads of Searcy so much better than him. I guess I gave him confusing directions because he pulled out of the Downtown CoC parking lot and headed down a road I had actually never been on. I had always crossed right over that road on many of my early morning, pavement pounding, runs and was always intrigued by it, but until now I had never actually been on it.

Planning for what? (Day 1)

I am one with my planner. My planner is the oxygen to my lungs, the blood to my heart, the electricity to my brain. Honestly, I'm so OCD when it comes to planning that when I found a planner that scheduled everyday of the week into fifteen minutes increments I let out a little shriek. I would get to Wednesday of the current week and start filling out my schedule for the next. Heck, my entire semester is pretty much planned. I know when every test is, every due date for a project, every tiny reading assignment. I've planned things out like I was God. And like I knew the exact hours I would be able to complete a homework assignment and the exact amount of time it would take. Now, my planner has saved me in times where I almost forgot a meeting, interview, even test. But I've come to realize my extreme planning wasn't because I was afraid of forgetting something, it was my fear of the unknown. I cringe at the fact that I don't know what will happen to me starting in the next few months. Anxiety builds and God falls to the back of my mind. If I can't plan every second of my day I feel like I'm lost. And don't even get me started with how I feel when plans change.

To Live Like the Son

Every Christian has heard it. "Live like Jesus. Be like Jesus. Mimic Jesus in everything you do." We try our best with this impossible task. We try to love others, we try to keep our anger in check, we try to help the ones in need, we try to love our enemies, we try to respect, we try to die to ourselves, but do we try to thank our Creator enough? I don't believe that a single American citizen has nothing to be thankful for. Are we starving? Are we naked? Are we really without any materials needed to live? I've seen former slave children in Ghana, West Africa that are more thankful for their lives than the people I share my life with, me included most of the time. These are children stripped from their homes, parents promised by the fishermen that they would be cared for, even educated, and then are gone forever. These are children who I have listened tell me how they had to dive down into the murky water of Lake Volta to untangle nets where they had found the other children, sometimes even siblings, who had failed in their attempt and had drowned. And we complain about having nothing to be thankful for?

Giving thanks is one of the most powerful ways to start living a fuller life. Jesus was constantly giving thanks to his father. "The Lord Jesus, on the night he was betrayed, took bread, and when he had given thanks..." (1 Cor.  11:23-24) The night before he was betrayed! That is so moving to me. Jesus was about to be hung on a cross, a fate he already knew was coming, and he gave thanks! The word excruciating was coined to describe the pain endured on the cross. This man was about to suffer through the worst pain known to our world and he could still thank his Father. I honestly don't believe I could. I can barely handle the heartbreaks he's putting me through right now. It takes all I have to pray a prayer of thanks when things aren't going according to my plans.

Continuation of Chapter One

Ann talks about loss. Honestly, I've never experienced much loss. I'm one of the lucky ones to have lived a long enough life with the people I care about. There has been one thing that has changed my life dramatically that most people don't know about. If you (the person who affected my life) ends up reading this I don't want you to think you've taken anything away from my life. You have been one of the biggest influences and I love you.

The Beginning of Something New

Recently there have been changes made to my life which I can't say I consider blessings. I know they've come from God but for what reason I haven't come to realize. These changes have sent me on a journey to find one thousand things I'm thankful for. I received One Thousand Gifts as a Christmas present and thought that to start off the new chapter of my life I would read the book and blog about one gift a day until I reach one thousand. That will be almost two years and 9 months of my life to give thanks to an ever present and powerful God for the gifts he has given me. I'll do that by taking a picture (if possible) of every blessing and telling you why it is important to me. I hope to realize my life is a blessing and to "live fully right where I am". I haven't decided if I will finish reading the book before I start my journey. One thing I do know is I want to highlight some of the statements Ann Voskamp makes in her book. I'm excited to start this adventure and can't wait to share my blessings with you!