Wonderful Weekend (76/77/78/79)

Wonderful weekend, my last weekend..

Friday: Today really was a terrible day. I missed a test and couldn't reschedule it so I received a zero, I couldn't get my schedule my class for this summer because of holds, test score errors, and pre-recs, and there was a bit of drama with some people. I was almost to tears until I went to practice and the party Danielle and I threw for the kids was amazing. They loved the food and then they really loved when Danielle and I surprised them by jumping in and swimming with them. After my eyes were red from being splashed for an hour but my heart felt much lighter and at peace.

Brush Away (Day 74/75)

Dead week is a crucial time in a student's career. All students are locked away in certain building and rarely do they come out. Unfortunately on Wednesday, I was in need of a power drill and being a girl something like that doesn't ever make the Christmas list. I text people right and left asking if they had one but I got a whole bunch of no's. Until, one person told me her husband had one (that's still hard to say since I've been working with this girl for four years and I've always called him "Stephen, Danielle's boyfriend"). This guy is an engineering major who isn't just busy on dead week, but all of the time. Thankfully, he considers me a good enough friend that he left the science building, drove to his house, then drove back to the art building, and put together three frames for my friends and I. And since these frames were due the next day the help was really needed. So because of Stephen, I didn't have to pay the extra money to have my painting professionally framed, saving me quite a bit of money.

Surprise Visit (Day 73)

Another short one today. I went to practice to find an old friend and swim coach ready to surprise me at the door. It was fantastic having someone to help coach and to joke around with while I worked. Yes I know, work and play shouldn't mix, but in the swimming world coaches can play off each other to keep the kids interested. With six boys ranging in ages 9 to 11 that is much needed. And while their heads were underwater we were able to catch up the news from the past semester.

Breathing Easy Again (Day 71/72)

It's all over. My show is officially set up and now I can relax, well sort of. I still have quite a bit of work ahead of me but I'm not too worried about it. I'm just glad I can breathe easy for the next two weeks and enjoy the end of my college career. It's something I can't believe I'm saying. I really can't believe I finish school in two weeks. I'm not really sure if I'm ready for the big bad world yet. Don't get me wrong, I'm done with classes, I just don't know if I want to leave the relationships I've built with friends, teachers/staff, and Searcy residents. But that's not the point. Today's point is that I'm done with my busy weekend and it ended successfully. I knew it would. Now, I can sleep, study (a little), and enjoy the last few pages of this chapter of my life. Real world, ready of not, here I come.

One Way to New York Please (Day 70)

Before everything gets too busy today I want to go ahead and post. I was out of my dorm by 9:30 this morning (not really all that early) and headed to Staples to print off some of my projects. The lady told me it would take about 30 minutes so I went off to Walmart and Big Lots to pick up a few more items. When I got back she had found a typo in my work and had stopped the printing. It was very sweet of her and she even didn't make me pay for the $30 of paper I had just wasted. Thankfully, I brought my computer so I whipped up a new file and it was printing in no time. Being low on gas, I decided to just sit around and wait. I had a few things I could work on and I didn't mind doing it right there.

Show Weekend (Day 68/69)

I tried my hardest to post every day but it didn't work out so well.

So some exciting news happened. Two of my best friends got engaged!! And I got to be a part of it. Not the engagement but the ring ceremony.. it's this weird tradition Harding does. But I got invited to it even though I wasn't part of Delta Gamma Rho. It was so exciting seeing her smile and his eyes. I've been told you can tell when a girl is in love by her smile and a boy by his eyes. I saw both. I've seen it before with this couple but today it was radiating. It made me extremely happy to see them so happy.

Appreciation Day (Day 67)

I walked into Bible class late tonight. The moment I walked in one of my favorite little boys ran up to me with a card he made me. My exhaustion immediately disappeared when I saw his smile. He opened the card and read it to me: "Thank you for being my teacher", in very good handwriting I might add. God has given me this wonderful chance to be able to be around kids. I love children with all my heart. They really are what make me want to keep going. Their love is pure and true. I never feel like a child gives me a hug because they feel like it will look good for appearances or because they feel obligated to do so. And with this crazy week I'm in it's nice to be able to escape to something I enjoy most; being around children.

Sudden Surgery (Day 66)

A few hours ago another thing was thrown onto my plate. My mom text me, yes text me, that my dad was in the emergency room complaining of pain. Come on mom! Call!! It ended up that he had an inflamed gallbladder and he needed surgery. Of course, my mind started racing. I was thinking I would be going home this weekend which was impossible since I have a senior show to put up. Honestly, it's not been the only thing on my mind today. There's been a lot of questions rushing through my head, but I'll go into that  when I find the answers (which hopefully will be soon with the Lord's help). Ok, so add those questions plus my senior show, and then top it off with my dad in the hospital, and you have one freaked out girl.

Came Out With Only A Scratch (Day 65)

Well, today is definitely a weird one. I was leaving work, about to head to a senior seminar meeting. I crossed the street on my bike to get up onto the sidewalk. All of the sudden this girl I was about to pass decides she's going to switch to the other side of the sidewalk. I tried to dodge her but instead found myself knocking into her, running into a bush, and flying over my handlebars into more concrete. A think I saw my life flash before my eyes. I just knew I was either going to break something, be bleeding, or have a concussion. Somehow my hands hit the pavement and I didn't crack my wrists, my knee hit also and I wasn't bleeding, and my head stayed safely in the air. I can now say I've flown.

A True Fit (Day 64)

Everybody wants to feel like they're a part of something. Like they belong. I've been in Searcy four years and never really found a church I felt I was a part of. Many factors went into me not finding one and I don't really have the energy to elaborate. Don't worry, I wasn't scorned by any of them; I just didn't find a fit. That changed last semester when I started going to Downtown. I walked in a realized I already knew many people from the community since quite a few were my swimmers and their families. It was nice walking in every week and not just saying hi to other students. But still, I felt a little like another number.

Young and Free (Day 63)

I used to be spontaneous. I was the one in the group that would never turn an activity down. Someone asked me to go somewhere and I only had five minutes to make a decision; I'd always do it. Random road trips; I was in. Even if I really didn't have the time, I would never pass up a time to be young, because being young only gets to happen, well, while you're young. Then my junior year rolled around and school started getting serious. Work became more demanding and I had to invest more time. Classes became more challenging and the projects were larger and more in depth. I was realizing I was growing up and I bowed down and accepted the fact. My spontaneity slowly vanished and I became a person with a routine. The thing is, somewhere deep inside, that young girl was still there and she wanted out. But with my schedule it just couldn't happen.

3 Days of Stress (60/61/62)

I'm really sorry I don't write much. I know most don't mind; I guess I'm saying sorry mostly to myself. I feel like I'm letting myself down sometimes. The semester has officially gotten to it's craziest part. Three weeks left! All that's standing in my way of graduating is a 5 tests, a painting, a website I need to code, and then my senior show. Ok, maybe it's still quite a bit. Actually, it's a lot, but it will all be over before I know it. And another reason I'm sorry I don't write all the time is I sometimes forget what I wanted to say for certain days. This is one of those times.. My life just seems so hectic right now and it's sometimes hard to remember what happened on what day.

A Smidgen of Strength (Day 59)

I judged too soon. I should of waited a few hours to write my last blog post. Not that the hug from my little swimmer wasn't a blessing, but I was given something else later. And let me add that it was after spending some quality time with my Father. I was about to head off to a study session after the busy day I had been through and I really didn't want to go. I prayed for strength and headed off to the library.

Perseverance (Day 56/57/58)

Saturday: I got to see my family. There wasn't anything specific to call a blessing. Just getting to see them. It's hitting me that I'm not moving back home when I graduate. They aren't going to be a room away, not even a few miles away. And I know, I've been six hours away for the past four years but it's different this time. In college there was always that day when I went back home. Now, I will literally be living in a different city. I'll be living there full time, making a living, and starting a new life. My days with them numbered so every time I see them is a blessing. Goodness, I've been so emotional lately. I guess it's all the changes going on in my life. They're all hitting at once and the uncertainty of life after college is just as scary as it is exciting.

Reunited! (Day 55)

What is a college student to do on a Friday when she has nothing from 9:30AM to 3:30PM and when the campus is bustling with people? Go lay on the front lawn, of course! It's perfect because I don't have to make plans but I will most definitely  see people. And I did. While talking to one of them I saw something running at me from the corner of my eye. It was one of my oldest and closest friends!!!! Ryan McAlister!! I'm so excited because this girl transferred last semester and I've been missing her for so long. She joined me on my blanket and we talked like we had never left each other. She's one of the ones I've trusted with everything I've ever done, all the mistakes I've made, all the emotions and memories I don't let out to many. I can count the number of people on one hand that know that much about me so it was such a blessing to have her sitting right next to me.

Drifting (Day 53/54)

I've been drifting. Since I got sick I've found myself occupying my time with things that distract me from God. Yesterday I got on here to write something and realized I hadn't thanked God for anything. I did on the other hand find plenty of negative things to ruin my day. And not once did I even talk to Him about those things. Not once did I even lift up a few words to Him. So, I decided I would wait until today to see if I could think of anything to say about yesterday.

Drive (Day 52)

It's been on my mind since the beginning of this year. Do I really enjoy design? I know I'm talented, but do I really enjoy it? My first thoughts were no. I didn't like it. Design is selfish, it's many intense hours, it's late nights, early mornings, loads of caffeine (which btw I don't like), it's demanding clients who don't believe I have the skills to design what will sell. And there's another story all in itself. My job is to sell a product. It's to make people believe they need something. It's what makes women, girl as well, believe they are fat. It's what makes men believe that having nice cars and suits will get them women. It's what makes society believe that premarital sex is the right thing to do. But for some reason God gave me this incredible talent.

The Fear of Failure (Day 51)

I have this fear. The fear of failure. I believe that's why I run from things. I'm afraid I'll fail at them so I break ties. I've run from school, projects, design competitions, a variety of sports, friends, relationships, God, even myself. My eyes are tearing up at the realization that I think I have to be so perfect I would rather run away than fight. And you know what? In the end it's causes even more pain. The pain of failure would be a small percentage of the pain I've felt from running, from giving up. And I know I've hurt others in the process. I've left some people with so many questions because I was too afraid to try. Because trying meant failing until I got it right and that's something I can't let myself do.

Busy Weekend (Day 48/49/50)

It's been a long weekend filled with some fun and so much homework. Sorry, I haven't been able to keep up with the blog. This last month of school is going to cause quite a bit of stress. I ask for prayers for me and the other seniors wrapping up their last experiences.