I'm Still Learning

This isn't my best blog post but it's an excerpt from my journaling tonight. I'm finally finding some clarity in the confusion and realizing the chaos can be beautiful.

I talked to my advanced team about empathy today. It's something I want to work on as a coach and something I want my swimmers to work on. I want our team to put themselves in the shoes of the other athletes they work with and compete against. I feel like I really got through to them and I also told them I would start calling them out when they weren't empathetic towards others.

Thank You For Making Me Scared (Day 549)

Passion. Passion is what I've been searching for, longing for. Passionate people are the people who actually do something in this world. Being the "Good Christian Girl" isn't enough for me anymore. I want more and believe God does as well. Jesus' disciples weren't just good Christian men, they were crazy (at least in the world's eyes) and I want that because they knew the Truth and they knew His love. The thing about searching for this passion and calling out to Jesus for it has brought upon some of the scariest days of my life.

Through Faith (Day 547)

So I wish today I could say I drove to my first official day of work excited and ready to conqueror.. but sadly I was so nervous I almost threw up my egg omelet I forced myself to eat even though I didn't have an appetite (also from being nervous). I wish I could say that by halfway through the day I was calm again but that would be a lie. I wish I could say that when I got home and literally fell down on my couch and immediately fell asleep (probably because my body was so tired from all of the anxiety) and then woke up two hours later that I was good to go, but sadly I was not. What finally calmed me down was getting down on my knees and praying.

Call Me Out, Coach. (Day 537)

Taking a break from the world can be a good thing. I decided to take some time for myself every morning this week since I worked so many hours this weekend. The problem was as the days went on my morning time to myself rolled into my afternoons and then I became even worse and let it roll into time after practice in my evenings until bedtime. Well that was until today when I was called out for it.

Inside My Closet (Day 532)

I'm writing this one a little differently today. It's in the form of a prayer. A prayer of thanks. I used to be afraid of praying because I thought the words had to be perfect. When I realized all I had to do was close my eyes, realize it was just me and God, and speak through my heart, praying got a whole lot easier. And for some reason I don't feel like talking about the blessings is enough. My heart is overwhelmed with praise and the only way I can find to be the most true in my thankfulness is through an honest prayer. It's a little nerve-racking letting you see this side of me. It's a side I hide. It's a side only God gets to see. It's me at my most vulnerable. But I feel called to share it and if it's meant to bring Him glory and to bring people to Christ then I will do what needs to be done.

Wednesday to Saturday (Day 113-116)

It's been a few days, but this time it's thankfully not because my heart ran dry. I was just so busy praising God and trying to glorify Him through my life! I've been relishing in all of the crazy ways God has worked over the past few days as I've seen my path unfold before me.

Fortunes (Day 511/512)

Two days have past since my last post and both days have been surprising. I had my interview at Jenks High School yesterday. Honestly, I went in blind. I didn't really know what the job entailed, I just knew it was a position at the high school and that's where I wanted to be. It had the words media, computers, printing, and books in the description so I thought with my graphic design skills and my love of books I'd try it out. The worst that could happen is I would go in for an interview and they wouldn't like me. Well that didn't quite happen that way.