I'm pretty sure I left with them in love. I don't mean that in a prideful way. There were many questions they asked that I had no idea how to answer until I started speaking and the words flowed like water. Many of the times they were surprised by my answers.. if only they knew I was as well. They were impressed that I knew how to troubleshoot computers (thanks dad), keep them running at optimal speed (thanks again), and that I knew my way around a commercial printer (thanks Harding). They also could see the love I had for kids and how I saw my job as a way to serve them. And as I walked through the door to leave I just had a good feeling about it. I'm trying not to worry too much because I know I will be taken care of no matter the outcome. The Lord knows I need a job for the fall and He will provide. He gave me that step, an interview, and now I will have to wait patiently until He gives me the next one. Hopefully, it will be the position, but He knows what's best for me. If you can find some time, I ask that you pray His will be done. I don't even want a chance at the job if it isn't His will. I want a clear direction to go.
Then last night, I was at another swim meet. It was outside and blazing hot. I went to bed exhausted and because of that I ended up sleeping in and not getting my time with God before work. I woke up, started stressing out, and ended up driving in a panic. See, today was the day I started the Bible study with my girls. Did I talk about that? I can't remember, and I'm too lazy to go back and check. Well if I didn't, I organized a Bible study with my high school girls after practices and today was day one. I needed guidance on how to go about this study, I needed my time with God. But of course, I let my body win and I slept instead. I got to the pool and all practice the idea of what I was supposed to do was rushing through my head. Practice ended and I still hadn't gotten my answer. I went up to my office, bowed my head, and just asked for help, but it wasn't a minute after starting to pray I had swimmers at my desk. "Well great, the time has come and I've got nothing," were the words running through my mind.
They sat down and I started rambling. I gave them two options on how to go about the study and surprisingly they all picked the same one. "Ok, that crisis is adverted." Then I talked about what I wanted them and myself to get out of this. They agreed with my statements. Then I talked about spreading the word of the study and keeping it going even after summer. They again agreed. Then I talked about some more stuff and they seemed to accept it. And then we opened up and started with Matthew chapter one. We didn't get very far before I was explaining the genealogy to them. Then we read on and I explained something else. Then we read on and one of my swimmers popped up with something to say. We really didn't get very far, the end of chapter one to be exact, but they seemed to want more. I closed with a prayer and then we called it a day.
I left that day feeling like I was unprepared and that it didn't run as smoothly as I'd hoped. I talked to God about it on the way home and that was that. Then later today I was getting some Chinese food from my favorite takeout place and my prayer was answered. See, those who know me very well, know that God frequently speaks to me through my fortune cookies. Yes, I know, it sounds bizarre, but it is true. Believe me or not, it happens. I was driving and just couldn't resist eating something before I got to the pool. The food just smelled all too good. I opened up the wrapper to the fortune cookie, ate it, and then read the little slip of paper. "Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing perfectly." I just laughed at myself. It was so true. Also, I used to only read the front of the fortunes until a friend I recently met told me he was blessed with God speaking to him in the same way. You know how there's the "learn Chinese" word on the back? Well he would pray about that word. So today, I turned the paper over and saw "swimming." Are you kidding me?! Could it be any more obvious?!
Thank you for the reassurance Father. It's true though. Had I not started today, fear might have crept up inside of me, time might have gotten away from me, I might have started making excuses for why I shouldn't do this. I mean I already had many fears. What if no one wanted to do it? What if they all lost respect for me? What if I got fired for this? But I started. Was it smooth and rehearsed? Not one bit. Was I nervous and did I fumble my words? Heck yeah. But I started. And now, God Himself can take over. He can do what He pleases and I'll just stand back and let Him talk through me and through my girls. And I'll probably take this as a lesson that I should set two alarms so I don't end up sleeping through my time with Him and freaking out all morning long.
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